Go Down to the Bottom Man, It's Funny Who You Meet There

A Whinge About a Serious Issue (In My Mind Anyway....)

2010-05-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Hello all. For those of you who read my post you'd have noticed that most of them are bile filled rants against the annoyances in life. This is slightly more important than those, I reckon anyway.

Before I go into it however, I'll tell you now I'm bisexual. I like both men and women. Equally. Each are fun and gorgeous in their own ways and I love it. I do reckon that i have a fair few more options than the straight folk but I don't shove my sexuality onto people, nor do I have a superiority complex about it. However, there are some that do and it's pissing me off.

for those of you that like to see fuckwits on YouTube and are Australian, you may have heard about a girl named Shalika in your travels. she's basically a long streak of stupid who has recently come out as bi. Now I'm all for coming out and kicking the world in the swingers, however she went on to talk about how better bis are because we have more choice and a long list of other self-satisfied bullshit.

This was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I've been a long hater of 'party bis', usually girls who pash girls to make the guys hard. They fuck me off like there's no tomorrow but I can handle them. This idiot however, needs a slap. No one is better than anyone when it comes to beliefs (keeping in mind they don't involve inflicting hurt on anyone else or bestiality because that shit's gross and wrong), be it religion, sexuality or whatever. For someone like her to reckon that bis are better than anyone else gives bis a bad name and I hate it! Most aren't sex demons and geniunely want to find someone to spend the rest of their life with, be it man or woman. That's it. If you're hetero or gay than that's cool- you're turned on and the boat is floated. If you're a furry, go for it (just maybe don't ask me to join in because i'm not into it) but don't for one second think that just because you're into something that it instantly makes you better than someone who isn't. You have your scene, they have theirs.

So fascist bis, kindly fuck off. You're not better than everyone else. and for the record, labels are for cans of tuna, not people. The undecided, asexual those with tendencies are cool in my book (even though I don't understand the asexual- touching people's fun!!!!)

I Haven't Been Gone, Just Haven't Been Arsed.

2010-05-22T04:15:00.000-07:00

Hello to the whole three people that follow my humble blog. Didja miss me? That question was rhetorical. Well anyway, in the spirit of my good friend Rivqa resuming her blog Just enough snark, I thought it was high time I make a post- how's that sound? Again, rhetorical.

Some of you may notice a change of which I made which involves the wonderful issue of censorship. Yes, I clicked the 'yes' box of the question 'Does your blog have adult content?' Well apart from having an awakening of sorts (maybe if I'm reallllllllly drunk I'll make a post about it), it finally occurred to me that a fair amount of issues that plague me now have something to do with sex; from the high offices of Parliament to the front of my boylegs, its there. And my conscience is black enough without having some four year old come across this and read all the choice language I've used on here so while my blog isn't going to be overtly pornographic (my apologies to the perverts who saw the warning and became titillated but y'know, you can buy a copy of Hustler....), it is probably best to have the warning there just in case.

Anyway, I'm back and that's whats important right now. My whenever-I-can-be-arsed annotations are back too and y'know, it might be a bit therapeutic for me to whinge through the keyboard about some of the things that have truly shat me this year. I mean, I'm halfway through year 12 and already I could throw some of my teachers through plate glass and laugh hysterically. Oh well, one swallowed a wasp a few weeks ago so that's one sadistic streak satisfied.....

And then there were 12......

2009-10-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

Years that is. I am officially in Year 12, doing Extension 2 English as I write this. Well not really, as this blog isn't part of the curriculum but like the relatives who always give me shitty, impractical gifts ("Ice skates? Thanks Cousin A! Oh and by the way, I have never liked you and your dad's not your real dad.") always say, it's the thought that counts. Anyway, back on track I am no longer doing CAFs or fuckmedeadIhatethisfuckingsubjectsomuch Biology, so I now have free periods in the middle of the day (yay!!!!!!). Good on me.

In Memoriam of My Illusion of Toughness- Please Disregard Completely.

2009-06-20T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Well, what can I say- for the first time ever in this blog, you will not hear a rant from a quite frankly cold hearted cynic. You're not going to hear a raging bile duct attached to a keyboard. And you're definitely not going to hear an array of expletives towards those whose faces appear on the cover of magazines.

You are going to hear a totally personal post, which might I add, I am definitely going to regret later. Just as a heads up, it is about a particular person who if for truly the first time in my life I am completely honest, has held a place in in my mind and heart for going on five years, regardless of whether I want them to or not.

I will not say their name as if the people whom I've disappointed get ahold of this they will be able to blackmail me. Also, it would not be fair on the person in question if such an event were to happen and they were thrown into my self inflicted humiliation. They don't deserve that at all.

But in all fairness, please let me clarify a thing or two:

I don't love them. I mean, not necessarily.....I haven't really experienced it at all (you know the kind I'm talking about) so I can't say for sure- in the instance that what I'm feeling does turn out to be love then I don't want to love them anymore.
I don't want them to know at all about my vague feelings, so therefore I do not invite them.
I don't want to be with them.

But there is one thing that I do want......

I want them to be happy, even if its not with me. If I have to refrain from talking to them or being with them then that's fine, as long as they're happy. This is partly the reason as to why I'm writing this- recently I've been a bit troubled with how I feel about this person so if this goes the way I want, then maybe by the end of this post I will be rid of them from my system and will not feel so under-the-thumb of this. Maybe there'll be some truth in the hatred I feel for them as well.

I apologise. I'm not brilliant at this bare-truth thing so please excuse me. It's quite late and I don't know...I really have no truthful excuse for this except that I'm sick of being haunted by the image of this person. I'll probably end up deleting this later so take no notice of it.

In other news, I had my first drive today. Was good, except I need to remember to use my blinkers. Didn't go above 40 km an hour and almost cut the gutter.

Missteps in Logic Pt 1

2009-05-16T01:44:00.000-07:00

Why is it that on Funniest Home Videos they have that section where just before someone falls, they pause it, create a speech bubble and write something in that has absolutely nothing to so with the topic at hand? Surely instead of "This is what happens during a Recession" they'd be thinking "Oh fuck, I'm falling"?

Grazing on Beddroom+Bathroom Catalogues

2009-05-12T02:36:00.000-07:00

Evenin' all. Well I'm back from Groovin the Moo (I have been for about 120 hours but have been too tired/sore/lazy to write anything) in Maitland and despite my nature to absolutely hate everything about popular culture, I have to say that I had an excellent time.
I was there to see the Drones and I did. Front row.

Did you hear that? FRONT......ROW.....in front of Guitarist Dan Luscombe.

Anyway, if you don't know who the Drones are, then I will refrain form calling you a fool because their music is just that little bit too dark for commercial radio- funny, I thought 'She Had an Abortion that She Made Me Pay For' was going to be chanted by the shitbags who still phone in requests of the Kyle (boohissboo) and Jackie O show too.

Their songs are quite dark but not in a "Oh my god......I come from a white collar family, everyone waits on my hand and foot- I just want to self harm because my life is so awesome and lacks any kind of poetry" way but a "I'm a strange and sometimes painful headspace and this is how I'm coping with it" manner. It's gooooooood.

The songs that they played in their set I highly recommend:

Oh My: from an album called Havilah. About the end of the world and quite funny. Possibly the greatest non-You Am I lyrics ever written.
She Had an Abortion that She Made me Pay For: From The Miller's Daughter. Probably the darkest of the lot, tells of a junkie girlfriend who treated the lead singer like shit and managed to stir up a lot of anger in him
The Minotaur: From Havilah. Has a dig at generations Y & Z and how they're glued to some kind of technology every second of the day.
Motherless Children: From Here Come the Lies. Jesus, I don't have to explain do I?
I Don't Ever Want to Change: Form Gala Mill. Quite proud song, or at least, lets my freak flag fly.

But yeah, it was great. I'm really glad I got to go, despite the amount of drugs that were around. There were sniffer dogs there of course, but people still managed to smuggle in a police narcotics lab to rival Hunter S Thompson's boot in Fear and Loathing. Some people right next to us were jointing up. Now I have no objections to anyone using the grass on this one say out of the year where the yoof get to listen to their favourite bands, but that's a bit over the fucking top don't you reckon? It was blowing over us as well, so we were getting most of the high pretty much- I wouldn't have minded if chips weren't $5 apiece.
Also, we were talking to this really funny guy during the De la Soul set (No, I didn't go see it. Why? Because I have an unbridled hate for any hip hop that isn't Russian.) and we were all having a great time and the Living End came on. He was a really nice chap who was a Living End fan as well so we stood next to eachother during the start. Anyway, this tenaciously pissed girl begins to tear through the crowd like a Bull elk on elephant steroids- shoves past me, my mate and our Living End loving friend quite rudely for one, but I shrug it off. Our Living End loving friend however, pushes her through the crowd trying to assist her but by a some metaphysical fuck up, she topples over about 8 people. This would've ended if she's just apologised to the now vertical Moovers and Shakers and got on her way but no, she preceded to turn back and start punching our LELF, screaming and pushing him through the crowd into disappearance. Ok, bye then.

But what I want to talk about with you today is people who pick disputes for no real reason other than to satisfy some kind of anal-retentive need and shit you off. I was walking home with one of my best mates today- lets protect the innocent and call her G- and we were just talking and having a bit of a laugh, what you normally do when you're walking home with someone. Anyway, she picked up a bunch of rolled up catalogues from the nature strip and started having a look at them all very innocent-like. Anyway, normally when she's done with something, she just puts it somewhere and forgets about it. On this one occasion though, she mailed it through what looked like a handle on this caravan parked outside someone's house and we proceeded to keep on walking. Like at Groovin the Moo, it would've ended if a third party would've just gotten the fuck over it but once again it's a big fat no on the 'reasonable' front.
We were in fact, greeted by what looked like the mother out of What's Eating Gilbert Grape in a pair of purple flannelette pajamas and the conversation went thus:

Barney the Purple Dinosaur: (up on a second storey, speaking from inside) Excuse me, did you put something on my caravan?

(G and I look at eachother in a bit of a daze)

Me: No, we didn't
Barney: Yes you did, I saw something being put on my caravan
Me: (Now thinking "Why the fuck did you ask us then?")...........
Barney: Take it off.

(G then presumes to saunter back, removing the catalogue quite easily from the handle wile the woman sinks back into watching daytime telly)

Now, of course I am going to try to take a diplomatic approach to this as it was downright stupid but for chrissakes, its a catalogue! It's not a giant cock on the side of your precious caravan, it's not hoardes of toilet paper all over it, it's not a great big steaming turd smeared all over the windshield- a CATALOGUE! Mailed quite neatly in the handle and thus can be removed without great strain! People do that out the front of Coles every day- they're called parking inspectors issuing out tickets but even then you just get the fuck over it!
I just have a few problems with that dispute:

It was a catalogue (see above).
Why was she staring at us walk past her house in the middle of the day in the first place? It's quite possible that we narrowly escaped a rape or something because really, why the fuck else would you stare at highschoolers walk part your house spraycan/permanent marker/fecal matter free?
She was in flannellette pajamas also- IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! AND IT'S FUCKING HOT! Put some decent clothes on you stupid woman! Come to think of it, it did smell a bit like roast beef around there..... Either way, it was obvious she didn't work, nor have any domestic duties but even the stay at home mums don't fang about the house on a weekday in nothing but their bedwear unless they're bludging off Centrelink, have let themselves go completely, have some kind of illness (the least possible option in this case because sick people tend to have a bit more on their mind than telling people off when they go past their caravan), or are The Dude off The Big Lebowski.
She did seem to have a slight weight issue, so if she'd just mustered up the energy to just get over it, come down and dislodge it herself if it really bothered her, it could be her daily exercise.

Anyway, kudos to that stupid woman. I suppose we need nincompoops like her to realise that the good ol' compo payout will almost always fuel these day long soapfests in flannelettes and extravagant purchases that make you think "Well, I don't think they actually need the money do they?" and that one day, it might just be us staring down the 2-strong highschool crowds walking and talking to eachother, waiting to pounce because oooh, they're such little bastards aren't they? They put something on my caravan! The pricks!

Fear and Loathing in My Local Nextra.

2009-04-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

Good evening beautiful people. How are we? Well there's nothing on telly so I'm going to lead you on more of my very irritating adventures- this time, a Nextra.
For those of you still in the dark as to what Nextra is, it's basically a video store and newsagents compacted together like cubes of trash in Monsters Inc. It's a strange combination but somehow it works, at least a whole lot better than my local Video Ezy. For one, it actually sorts films out both alphabetically and per genre- something Video Ezy have just just peaked on.

"Do you think we should sort films out by theme?"

"...................."

"It would really help the customers."

"...................."

"It'd make it easier for them to find films."

"...................."

"Well what do you reckon?"

"Go fuck yourself. That's what I reckon."

Anyway, I was looking for a copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Fight Club. I managed to find Fight Club but no Fear and Loathing. That is not what this blog is about though. What I saw in Nextra was another thing that pisses me off about places of retail- people taking up an entire aisle when looking for something. I mean just....WHY?!?!?! Why do people feel the need to stand on the other side when looking for something? Why do they want to make people feel awkward whenever they walk past to get some, I dunno....yoghurt or something. It is bullshit I tell you!
It happened in Woolworths as well. There's a line in Fight Club:

"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda who wouldn't screw to save its species."

If we could change that panda bit to something about these aisle-hogging fuckwits, then that would explain exactly how I feel. There should be someone at the top of the shelves in these places with a sniper reasy to pick off these clowns the minute they step over that half-of-the-aisle-width line. What are they trying to prove- that they're vision's pretty tiptop? It's just a stupid waste of space soley based on human selfishness- that they have to get that box of marshmallow squares so much that they're not willing to leave a bit of space behind them so other poeple can get thorugh their shopping hassle-free. Now that I think about it, some may just be making a connection in a "Hey....you like home brand sausage rolls. So do I......can we make out?" kind of way, but you have to admit, Nextra and Woolies are pretty sad places to do it in. Like that Special K ad where the girl is at home and it's 3 in the morn and the only thing she has to snack on is chocolate coated Special K (Special K is supposed to be healthy. Coating it in chocolate DEFEATS THE PURPOSE!).

So if you see one of these arseholes in one of your preferred places of retail, just walk the fuck in front of them. If they haven't learned how to look at things from a reasonable distance then they don't deserve your courtesy.

Where Have all the Good Books Gone and Where are all the Clods? The Answer to the Latter is Everywhere! A Rant.

2009-04-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

Evenin' all. Well, not evening- it's almost 11 in the pm so well and truly nighttime. Even so, let's start.

I spent yesterday in Borders trying to hunt down a couple of mangas- I couldn't find the volumes I wanted to basically I ended up wandering around all 2 storeys of the place for about an hour. A whole hour. Doesn't seem like much really until you find this:

A whole....entire section dedicated to Twilight on both levels.

I mean, Jesus. BOTH FUCKING LEVELS! As if a change in altitude is going to change peoples minds!
"Oh yeah. When I was on the ground level I hated Twilight with the fire of a thousand suns but now I've gone up an escalator, I think I've change my mind. But I won't stop there- not only will I buy all four books of this truly crap series, I'll buy the three (yes, THREE) biographies of Robert Pattinson (the actor who stars in the film version) as well!"

For those who have been lucky enough to not know what the Christ Twilight is, its a bunch of bilge written by a Mormon housewife named Stephenie Meyer (her name alone shits me to no end, mainly because Stephenie is spelt with another 'e'). Now, call me old fashioned, call me a bit prejudiced, but I really don't reckon that a devout Mormon (I almost spelt moron then- see, the hatred is consuming me) would really the the best authority on writing about a creature belonging to the occult- that's just me though because if things are put into a little perspective, history tells us that religion has a habit of narrowing peoples minds in terms of new ideas and beliefs.
I mean, there's Bram Stoker and Mary Shelley- the godparents of horror who were probably devout Christians back in the day, but they come form a time where you were pretty much belted mercilessly if you were an atheist. Nowadays, most vampire novelists are atheists if anything. Even Anne Rice (who is a Roman Catholic now- she became one in '04) spent most of her adult life and wrote the Vampire Chronicles when she was an atheist. In plain frickin English, I reckon that it's better that your mind is opened to more, less-saccharine sweet possibilities if you're going to write about some seriously gory shit.
I'm not just attacking her religion- who knows, maybe it was just a facade and she was into some good ol' vampire classics like Dracula or the Vampyre? An enticing possibility it is, a home truth it is not. There is absolutely no mention of any vampire texts whatsoever, meaning that the subject matter hasn't really been researched all that well. She says that the Twilight series was 'inspired' (completely ripped) by Anne of Green Gables, Jane Eyre, Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights and A Midsummer Nights dream- basically a bunch of novels where after a few complications, everything is hunky-dory and everyone is in lurrrrrve. Pass me the sick bucket please.

Anyway, back onto the basic plot of Twilight. Basically this girl named Bella is dumped on the doorstep of her father's while her mother pisses off with a baseball player. She goes to school and is immediately popular as many people befriend her/think she's hot- if that's not a complete cop-out, I don't know what is. Apparently this isn't good enough for her as she becomes attracted to Edward, strange unit who is both grossed out by her and lookin' a bit pasty.
What happens next is that a van almost backs over her. At that moment the story would've been immediately awesome but no- Edward has to magically come in and stop the car with his bare hands. It's ok, this is a safe space here. You can yell "OH COME ON!!!!!" and not be persecuted.

So what happens then is that she cons her thick-shit friend into telling her about the legends of the area and voila, finds out he's a vampire. All would be well because OMG, he's like, SO HOT! But with him being a vampire and all, there is a chance he could kill her. Oh but wait- he drinks the blood of animals so that's totally alright! He's like, a vegan!

Now, forgive me for being a bit cynical here, but WHAT THE FUCK?!?!! Vampires are supposed to drink human blood- that's what makes them cool/evil/sexy! They are dangerous and nowadays, they hate it because they just want to be like everybody else who can eat real food. So far even the one known vampire in modern literature that did live on animal blood (Louis out of Interview with the Vampire, because he couldn't live with the guilt) eventually buckled because drinking animal blood is the vampire equivalent of eating out of a bin.
She even states that "I don't think my books are going to be really graphic or dark, because of who I am. There's a lot of light to my novels."
DON'T CHOOSE A DARK SUBJECT THEN YOU DOZY COW!

Also, another beef I have is that vampires can walk out in the sun. That alone would piss any vampire-nut off but wait- his skin doesn't become a big, steaming pile of ash! No, it 'glitters like diamonds'! As you can imagine I'm basically punching the keys now because it's yet another thing that completely flouts traditional vampire lore. It sounds like he has a head like a fucking disco ball! For one, vampires are creatures of the night, which means they're pretty screwed if they walk out during the day! But oh, it's kinda overcast all the time in Forks to that's ok right? Vampires have an aversion to any kind of natural light because it will burn their skin. Have you got that Meyer? Good, now we can move on.

Anyway, with them being in love and everything, things seem pretty cool bananas. Oh but wait- a real vampire (one that actually drinks human blood) has come to town and has one target- Bella. Now, this is really the only kind of relief in this because here I only see a good guy:

He actually abides by vampire traditions
He wants to kill the shit out of that fuckrag Bella

Come on, you all have to see where I'm going with this? This is a massive hunk of mass-produced shit that is taking up 2 spaces in Borders that could've easily been taken up by oh, I dunno....SOMETHING WORTH READING!
What I really hate that not only does it crap all over vampires but it rides the coattails of Harry Potter in aiming for the pubescent-teen market, only Harry Potter was wholly original without ending up as a complete festering turd of a thing.
I mean, God- Edward's age is listed as being 108 even though he was 'turned' in 1918. Now I wasn't that much good at maths, but that would mean that Twilight is actually set in 2026, not in today's times like it states. It's ok Stephenie Meyer....there are loads of people who can't write or count.
People, be wise. Don't buy Twilight full stop, even as a gift because it's just.....I have a distinct feeling that this was formulated in a whole of 8 seconds and not properly thought through; mainly because each chapter is the absolute same:

Edward: I love you.
Bella: Really?
Edward: But I'm DANGEROUS!!!!!!!

Besides, Stephenie Meyer really doesn't need the money because apparently this piece of shit had sold 42 million copies worldwide. Just goes to show how much good writing is valued nowadays I guess.

Now, what adds insult to injury on this one is while I was browsing the Art section of Borders (right next to the 'Young Adult' section), I kept on being interrupted by these constant titters, giggles, squeals, yelps and yowls. I'd been hearing it for a while so I decided to go check it out, wondering if there was a murder going on that everyone just overlooked. What I saw was not a murder (that would've been kinder), but in fact a bunch of scattered copies of Twilight and a group of girls about 7-strong, sitting down on the floor lying all over eachother. Call me old fashioned again but aren't bookshops generally supposed to be quiet places- there are chairs reserved for quiet reading at least. It was just a little bit irritating in a sandpaper-against-the-uterus kind of way considering these girls were my age, if not older than me and just being really loud and obnoxious with no regard for anyone else.
What really topped it all off was when one of the girls finally caught her breath and whined to one of her cohorts thus:

"Awwww....I hope I don't get thrown out. That'll be the third store in 'ere I've been banned from!"

Oh jeez, I wonder why. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to polish up my six-shooter and buy a can of petrol and a box of matches.

If It Were Not For This Body, I Would Live forever

2009-04-12T00:39:00.001-07:00

Afternoon m'darlings. Before you panic- no, I am not dying. I've just woken up out of the sleep-in-all-frickin-day bliss that is my holidays and had a very twilight-y (no, not the book or movie. Twilight has a meaning other than that you uncultured human being!) out of body experience. I could hear and see everything around me, I just wasn't awake. V. strange.

Anyway, on the other but still symbiotic end of the spectrum, I have been working feverishly on my body of work for school which is due in about 5 weeks but I'm glad I'm making good time. Our topic is 'Environments' (landscapes, more landscapes, even more landscapes, etc.) and somehow I managed to persuade my teacher to let me do a portrait of Gareth Liddiard (lead singer/songwriter- The Drones). Basically it's a concept piece- 'the schizophrenics environment' (even though he's not really schizophrenic). Isolation within self, conscience not syncing up with reality and all that jazz. Basically what I'm doing is I've written lyrics, quotes, poems and quips onto the outline of his face, all of which have to do with isolation, addiction, insanity, depression, suicide, hopelessness, clarity, prostitution, dystopia, being overworked and undersexed with no hope of reaching the end. I'm going to (that's the bit I'm up to now) do all my tones and stuff all over it so that far away it looks like yer average drawing but when you get up close it becomes a "Ohmyholyfuckingjesusthere'swordsonthere!" piece. I'm happy because the words are making the tones instead of just me which is the effect I'm aiming for. Hopefully when it's done it'll look great- I might pick up some shellac and do something cool with that, I don't know. I just wanted to draw Gareth Liddiard.

Anyway, I've managed to find a series of works with an even more fucked up concept than mine. It's a series called Join or Die by Justine Lau and they're pretty strange. Basically they're painting of her bumpin' uglies with some American Presidents (no really recent ones), all in order. Be warned, although quite good they are quite graphic also. Personally I think it's more strange than sexy because it's necrophilia whichever way you look at it. Approach with caution:

http://justinelai.com/

I think I'll just stick to my balltearing RocknRollas thank you.

One less than 12.

2009-01-29T05:09:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. It was second day of year 11 today and as a rite of passage into the controlling world that is the senior school, we had to write about what year 11 means to us. Had I been left any longer, you'd find me hanging from the ceiling.

Merry sodding Christmas

2008-12-14T02:35:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year where we have to celebrate the birth of our lord and saviour by putting heaps of tinfoil shit around our house, eat a turkey that tastes of fried woodchips and spend an entire day with the unfortunate bastards that happen to share similar DNA with us. I hate the bloody thing, mainly because for me it marks the start of blackmail season.
For what has been a month now, I have been getting constantly blackmailed my someone who won't be named but who is supposed to have had a pretty prominent role in my life (hasn't though) and is basically the one that comes to mind whenever therapy is bought up and not in a good, let-me-help-you-help-yourself way). This person has been blackmailing me to spend Christmas with them and even though secretly I can't be arsed to get down to their place of residence on the day (there is no way that I'm spending 2 hours in holiday traffic), they can't see things from the same angle. This wouldn't be so much of a problem had I grown a spine and told this person that I would not be seeing them this Saturday. You can imagine where it goes from there.
To add insult to injury, this person will be surrounded by more people supporting their cause of getting me to spend my Christmas day with them, so it's going to be a full on blackmail jamboree! Break out your banjos everyone! May as well have a bit of music because 3 hours with the bastards and I stop playing 'Who Shall I Murder Slowly and Painfully First?' and start going for what feels natural. If this does end up happening, I might just start with myself.

In other news, I'm receiving and award tomorrow which should be a perverse mixture of fun and dull. Fun for a whole 5 seconds before couple of hours of dull. My computer's shat itself too, have to get that fixed....I want a herb garden.

Come on Cindrella- We've Gotta Get You Ready for the Ball!

2008-11-30T12:41:00.001-08:00

Good morgen. It is now 8:23 in the AM, making the official formal countdown 8 hours and 37 minutes to go before I am at town hall looking my lovliest. truth be told I'm a little scared about the event- for one I'm supposed to have a hairdresser come over today and I'm worried she won't be able to find my house. I'll try counting to 10 to sort out that anxiety.
Everything is organsied, thank god. Limo, makeup, hair, nails, jewellery, shoes, undies (totally important) and of course, the dress. Here's praying it all goes according to plan.....

Miss Mustang and the Rainy-Day, Leaving-School, Chest-Infection Blues

2008-11-28T01:09:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. Well here I am, officially in the grey area in between year 10 and year 11. I ended school today on a somewhat mildew-coloured note- we finished this lame year 10 program they assigned to us where they gave us the whole "Oh, we do this because year 10s before have left earlier and found that they missed their friends."
Now, this little pep talk would have some substance to us, had they not decided to split us up form our actual friends and place in a mixed bag with candies of a different kind. If you're going to harp on about memories and affilitates, makes sure you don't sound like a fucking hypocrite.
Anyway, I had a chest infection pretty much all day and that coupled with the rain, understandably things are going to get a bit messy. But even so, I AM OUT OF FUCKING SCHOOL!!!!!!

Parole

2008-11-15T23:12:00.000-08:00

Afternoon funsters! Well here I am, officially finished my school certificate and about to go on to work experience! I will never have to sit through another lesson of Computers, PE, Georgraphy, Maths or Science again! It feels like I've just been released from prison. A lot of those subjects bored me to some degree, so next year my subjects are going to be heavy on History, English and Art. I'll also be able to piss off certain teachers who've given me hell these past 4 years. I feel great!

Ladies and Gentlemen, We are About to Encounter Some Slight Turbulence.....

2008-11-03T00:49:00.000-08:00

Jesus...what a week. Thankfully it's all over now, but you know those weeks where you're sure they're a provisonary apocalypse, just preparing for the big one? It was one of those.

It's was like a marriage really- that animosity that begins to brew for no reason amongst people that spend pretty much ever day together and then one day the shit hits the fan and it's up to you to clean youself up. It's just affirmed my reasons not to get married but anyway, that's what it was like in the land of last week. Things were said, others were felt but wholly we began to really understand eachother all at once for the first time in 3 and a half years.

Details of how and why it started and how and why it ended are a bit sketchy- maybe it's still continuing, I don't know. Maybe it's still continuing but the point is that were all civil (for lack of a better word) towards eachother. I feel better that this has all happened though, like I've finally started to heal or something.....

The Ties that Bind Around Your Neck Until You're Blue and in the ER.

2008-09-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

What is family? Are they those people who share the same blood? Do they mysteriously come around of a Sunday with teacake to ask how you've been? Are they the ones who ring up of a night and send you their love? For me, they are the people who give you a very good reason to neck yourself in the bathroom.

Don't get me wrong- I love most of my family. MOST being the effective word here. Like everyone else on this big ball we call a planet, I have relatives who would be classified as crazy by me but sane by everyone else. I guess when you've grown up knowing these people, you become accustomed to their mannerisms, their beliefs, their habits...and become really fucking irritated by them after 16 years (yes- I'm older but not wiser).

In case you're wondering as to why I'm writing this, It's been a week since I came back from the obligatory family visit. I was sort of there voluntarily as it was my aunt's 50th birthday, but soon enough I realised why pubs and drugs were invented- it's to stop civilization from going absolutely spare because of the dynasty to which I belong (against my will).

First it started with the younger cousin following me around ABSOLUTELY EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. It was madness- I mean, I know I'm supposed to go "Awww...it's so cute" but seriously, she's 10 and kept singing that shit Gabriella Cilmi song over and over, always finishing with a "Sorry- I'm annoying you aren't I?"
I just hate it because she was a part of that generation that decided that discipline isn't the answer to effective parenting (yet another thing we can thank those fuckers - the parenting books written by pseudo-intellectual twats with a million and 1 (fake) PhDs to make it seem that buying this crap is a good idea- for), so she's basically been allowed to do whatever the hell she wants, thus turning her into a spoilt brat. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl, I love her to bits...but seriously, once the brat within begins to surface, I consider the following actions:

stop playing who 'Who Shall I Kill First' and go for what feels natural
see above

Then there are the aunts. I love being with most of them but theres one (who is incidentally the mother of the brat) what really gets up my strides.....She's very Stepford Wives and that just really fucking pisses me off. She fusses and fusses and fusses...it's enough to make you want to turn into that chick off the exorcist all over the glazed ham. She gave me mugs for my birthday. Fucking mugs. I mean, I know there's that saying "Oh you know, it's the thought that counts"- well, I don't think there was much thought at all when they got bloody kitchenware for a 16 year old.

Then there is the blackmail- compulsory whenever I see my family. The shit flinging begins in the form of "Oh, we don't see you very often." Did it never occur to them that there may be a reason for that?

Now the attempts at changing who the hell you are. For those that know me, you have seen that I wear a very distinuishable hat. In fact, the only way you wouldn't be able to notice it was if you were blind because I'm pretty sure that the space race India and Pakistan will be based around whoever can see my hat form the moon first. Anyway, most people are cool with it, except my Grandma. Taking into account that she's a bit old fashioned I suppose I should be a bit less abrasive but COME ON- IT'S A HAT!!!! I'm not wearing camel turds, a flamethrower, crotchless pants or a suit made out of genitals. I am wearing a hat...hear that? HAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT..... No genital suits- HAAAAAAT.
Anwyway, every time I see her I am hinted to take of the hat.

"Now darling, don't you think it would be a good time to take of the hat?"
"Missy, if we have a photo later, would you mind taking off the hat?"
"Come on, be a good girl and take off the hat for Grandma."

Not in your life, Miss Depends 2009.
Oh, she's stopped referring to me by my first name as well. I'm continuously called Missy. I honestly think senility has caught up with her and soon enough I'll be questioned on the best deals going for Avon/Hoover. She's started to call my Dad- her only son- the same.

I know I'm horrible. I've been made this way. The cruellest part about all this is that I still bloody well love them.

The Fast and Easy Way to Lose Weight!

2008-09-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

Get Glandular fever. I've had it for a fucking week and I've lost six kilos. Mind you, I have been vomiting and shitting like there's no tomorrow, but oh my flatter stomach! What the narcissist I am.
But seriously, I have not been at my best this week, It all started with a sore throat, late on monday night. Then sore throat, aches and pains on tuesday. Then the vomiting and diarrhoea decided to move in. Then the sore throat got fat and I woke up soaking wet. Then a bit of ear inflammation came along with some general stomach upset in tow. So when the house got crowded, the blubber eel that sat nicely around my belly shouted "THAT'S IT!", packed it's bags and moved out.
So basically, I'm sitting here, typing away my boredom. Working on a few things as well- just general pottering around the house.

Balloon Throat

2008-09-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I have a sore throat. It feels like a cheese grater is whittling away my pharynx every time I swallow. I think it's because I've been sleeping with my mouth open so all the air and dustmites in my room have occupied my throat. It's really damn annoying.
Anyway, I spent the day off today, just pottering around the house with my sore throat. I finished a painting of Miss Bettie page for Art so I'll probably end up turning it in tomorrow. I have to complete a sculpture by the end of the week as well- I'm thinking of doing a sort of whimsical semi-abstract piece. A pelvis and a spine with a camellia on top like a flower.
Right now I'm trying to see the point of a little cartoon that was on Triple J a few nights ago, called 'I like your yoghurt pants'. Anyway, it's a song by what looks like a singing tomato with a bass and cowboy boots while a sheep in jeans looks on. It's very disturbing and the lyrics are thus:

I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little strawberry coloured yoghurt pants

(bass interlude with camera zooming in and out of Tomato doing random poses )

And when we used to go out
sailing in the morning sun
And when we used to go out
Bowling you could strike a turkey
in the 3rd game

(Sheep spins continuously, Tomato turns into a bowling pin then plays the guitar whilst literally standing on its head)

I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little little coloured yoghurt pants

(Tomato and Sheep get possessed by Stan which makes their eyes do that hypnotic thing you used to see in cartoons and their tongues spin around)

And when the evening came
You always cleaned your shoes

(Things suddenly return to normal with it's little bassy interlude, but they find themselves in a field with more sheep. Tomato jumps over the sheep enthusiastically while the audience wonders where the fuck the bass is coming from, seeing as he has no guitar!)

I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your silly little yellow coloured yoghurt pants

(This is obviously dedicated to paedophilia because Tomato's head is really close to Sheep's genitals and the camera keeps on zooming in on them.)

The end.

Now, ask yourselves like I have been for the past few days- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!

I'm Gonna Change Your Name

2008-08-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

Morning funsters. Well, last night I succumbed to the one thing that irritates almost every cynical, single person on the planet- I went to a wedding.
Now don't get me wrong, usually I'm very happy for the bride and groom and the fact that they've found eachother and decided to celebrate that by sticking rings on eachothers' fingers. what irritates me is the amount of guest pereparation that goes intothese things. finding clothes that look good, finding clothes that fit, trying to disguise the fact that even though said clothes look good, you still feel like a complete pillock and accepting the fact that no matter how hard you try not to be, YOU are the weird guest at this damn thing whose purpose there is subconsciously debated amongst the other guests.
It all started on Thursday. I spent fuck knows how long trudging around the mall in search for some clothing- I opted for this mushroom silk top thing, some black pants and some heels to match. This was relatively ok until the big day- yesterday- where it went slightly wrong. First, the pantyhose I was wearing acted like cling wrap's sadistic cousin. Then the heels proved to be a pair of toe-crunching, foot-crippling horrors that had a serious grudge against feet. To top it off at the reception, a button on my mushroom silk top thing disappeared proving that cheap chinese labour is at it's finest! Grrr....
The decor at the reception was lovely though- the theme was orange and white and it looked suprisingly classy while being simplistic at the same time. It wasn't too over the top and that's what made it great. The taps in the bathroom however, did not abide by the same principles. Since when did plumbing fixture design become complicated? Honestly, it took me ages to find out how the bloody thing worked!

I think my bitterness comes form me thinking about this guy all night. You see, I like someone....I've liked them for about 4 years. He's in a lot of my classes and basically does not give a shit about me whatsoever. He's very intimidating because he's the guy who is number one at absolutely EVERYTHING and he knows it...but it still doesn't stop me from thinking 'What if he said hi to me?' I'm being a complete freak about this I know but I just like them. And when I see people who have found their soulmates, I tend to wallow in my misery that the only 'love' I've ever experienced really has been unrequited. It's because of this that I know I'll never be the one going out trying to find a wedidng dress for myself as I'm very very cynical when it comes to the illusion caled love that perpetuates the reality of heartbreak. I apologise for this mopey bullshit- I'm trying to get over this guy.

I Can't Love You Anymore Than This

2008-08-26T03:32:00.000-07:00

Picture this- you're hancuffed to your chair. The light above your head is searing your eyes becond blindness. The investigator is probing your private life like you're bent over and well lubed up while you're just thinking "God...when the fuck will this be over?'.You're sweating. You're shaking. You have symptoms that the drug manufacturers of the seventies had never dreamed of and then your math teacher swans on by going "Oh by the way, this is a year 9 test. YOUR test will be in 2 weeks."
How are you supposed to feel? Well that's what happened to me today. Sixth period of August 26th, 2008. We were given a year 9 test instead of a proper one. It wasn't even our bloody unit- it was 5.1 maths (common) while ours is 5.3 (advanced). If this was sex, it would've been the type Parker Posey in the O in Ohio would've engaged in and that's a really scary thought.
For those whom are scratching their heads as to what I'm talking about, the O in Ohio is pretty much the worst film I've ever seen. When it comes to sexual comedies, O takes a great big SATC wannabe turd on every successful comedy based around sex. Basically, it's about this woman who can't come at all. Her husband (Paul Rdd- why he put his name on this piece of shit I'll never know) basically gets sick of it and looks for pleasure in the form of a very blank Mischa Barton. Posey however buys a vibrator and bingo, you've found the city of Gold. Then for some bizarre reason, she finds Danny DeVito with a really bad mullet and it all goes downhill from there. Either way, like Parker Posey's orgasm, this film builds up to something brilliant and completely craps out ,therefore making it really fucking rubbish.
Anyway, out of the movie-loving twilight and back to the matter at hand, you do NOT damn well give a class a fake test while they're still shitting themselves. It's just not right man.

Bubblegum powerpop

2008-08-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings. Ahh, what to write about after all this time...I went and saw my famiglia and had lunch with them which was bizarrely nice. Did a survey on chewing gum which was weird, seeing as I've only recently aquired a habit. Strawberry Extra- there is none better. Nice flavor and doesn't tempt you to swallow upon first chew. Anyway, enough about chewing gum, I also managed to get copies of Snatch, The Big Lebowski and the South Park movie- I really can't be arsed to type the title. Three more movies towards the greatest collection on earth. Anyway, while getting these movies form the ever faithful Warringah Mall JB HiFi, I heard this music- it was sort of infectuous, pop-rock kind of thing. Gave me a very Davey Lane feeling of uneasiness and euphoria. Later on it turned out to be Costello Music by the Fratellis that was on. So, if you want a pop-punk-rock album to dance to, buy it because your legs will love it. I reccommend Henrietta, For The Girl and Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night (that sounds like a teenage 'thriller').
Anyway, the Big Lebowski is another to add to the favourites list, along with Kill Me Tender. They are both hilarious and strangely uplifting, except the Big Lebowski has more memorable movie quotes.

Debt Collector: (pulls bowling ball out of bag) What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Well obviously you're not a golfer.

Walter: The Chinaman is not the issue here!!!!!

Walter: You see Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the arse!!!!

Walter: Don't worry man, he's a pervert.
The Dude: Yeah, but fuck, he can roll man.
Walter: No, I'm serious. He's a sex offender with a record. he did 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. Eight year olds Dude, eight year olds.

I also saw another movie- Waking Ned Devine. A very good Irish movie if you can hunt it down. Ed Gein In the Light of the Moon is a good biopic also- not too much gore but it is a little freaky when he's pulling off in the bathtub and when he wears his lady outfit, so be warned!

What is loosely termed....bleeergh.......

2008-07-17T18:10:00.001-07:00

Good morning everybody. I've just woken up. My bloody computer is becoming more difficult as the minutes become hours and the hours become days. If it were a person, it would probably be one of those baby boomers that are pre-empting the time of which they are classified by modern standards as 'elderly'. They are quite rare they are, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I sometimes wonder what I'm going to be like when I reach the elderly stage. Hopefully I'll still be mentally intact, but I have a feeling I'll get arthritis from the amount of drawing I do. I get told that anyway. It's amazing how if you get told something over and over, eventually your subconscious believes it and you're stuck in that frame of mind for a long time.

Ok, I'm rambling on now. I'm just procrastinating from moving at the moment. I know I have to move at some point because I'm going to see a movie, but my body just doesn't want to. Ah well, I will just part with an amusing picture I found that tickled my sick sense of humour. Goodbye.

Introduction

2008-07-17T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Forgive me, but I'm new at this thing. Not even 30 seconds on this and I'm already asking for forgiveness. Well....lets get started then shall we? I'm not going to go into the usual specifics , like 'I'm from here...' etcetera because I have discovered that it doesn't matter what you are like, people have a tendency to subconsciously hold geographic location against you. Take my favourite author, John Birmingham. In Tasmanian Babes Fiasco, it is written 'He is from Ipswich but asks you not to hold that against him.' I guess when you live with over 80 people over a period of 10 years, it teaches you a thing or two about life. I will tell you my name though- it's Rhiannon before you start singing.
I have very discerning taste in film, literature, art and music. Having said that, my taste is also eclectic- 2 of my favourite movies are Don's Party and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess that the only thing that isn't foggy about my taste is that I like something that is either cult or comedy. I think Quentin Tarantino is brilliant and Tim Rogers is pure genius. In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of You Am I and base a majority of my artworks around them. I draw mainly because it's wallet friendly and more portable, but I am a paint dilettante as well. I'm trying not to be psychotic about the whole thing because it's really just an admiration of the band and reacting in a way that is expressive to me, like someone playing their covers. I am also a keen writer and I hope to make money and fame with both things some day. Anyway, here are my favourites:

FILM

Priscilla Queen of the Desert
The Joy Luck Club
Kangaroo Palace
The Song Remains The Same
Woodstock
Jimi Hendrix
My Mother Frank
Evil Woman
Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock n Roll
The Royal Tenenbaums
Mullet
Dirty Deeds
Kill Me Tender
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Edward Scissorhands
Muriel’s Wedding
Psycho (The original)
That Thing You Do
Van Helsing
Fear
Blow
Moulin Rouge
Muggers
Hercules Returns
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Little Children
Wonderboys
Weekend at Bernie’s
The Lara Croft movies
The Wizard of Oz
Fatal Attraction
The Sum of Us
Chopper
Sliding Doors
Team America
South Park the Movie
Knocked Up
Austin Powers Trilogy
40 Year old Virgin
Snatch
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Harry Potter Movies
Wayne's World 1 & 2
High Fidelity
Joe Dirt,
Suburban Mayhem
Gettin’ Square
The Commitments
Stoned
The Cheech and Chong movies
Don's Party
The Castle
The American Pie Movies
Gimme Shelter
The Shrek Movies
Bend it Like Beckham
Anita and Me
Rat Race
Wedding Crashers
Detroit Rock City
School of Rock
Dan in Real Life,
Thirteen
Girl Interrupted,
Beerfest,
Super Troopers,
Almost Famous,
Kenny,
Baby Snakes,
The Wedding Singer,
Anger Management
Bowling for Columbine,
Sicko, Napoleon Dynamite,
Festival Express,
Billy Madison
Hot Fuzz,
Bridget Jones 1 & 2,
The Parole Officer,
Shaun of the Dead,
Notting Hill,
Son de Mar,
Love Actually,
Thunderstruck

And although technically not movies:

The Cream and the Crock,
Who Are These Rockstars
Rockwiz Duets Volume 2.

MUSIC:

You Am I
The Temperance Union
Tim Rogers
The Pictures
TnT
The Rolling Stones
The Who
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin
The Eagles
Jimi Hendrix
Jet
Aerosmith
Little Birdy
Matchbox 20
Maroon 5 (in the Songs About Jane days)
Green Day
The Sex Pistols
Bodyjar
Happy Mondays
INXS (before they shat all over Michael Hutchence's memory with Rockstar INXS)
John Butler Trio,
Fleetwood Mac (To some degree, the one song that pisses me off is the one I got my name from....)
Frank Zappa
Chuck Berry
Janis Joplin
Shivaree
Puddle of Mudd
The Seatbelts
Elton John
Franz Ferdinand
The Cure
Tex, Don and Charlie
The Cruel Sea
The Stooges
U2
The Darkness (God rest it's freaky falsetto soul)
Cat Stevens
ACDC
Midnight Oil
Supergrass
Suzi Q
T-Rex
Taxiride
Gloria Jones
The Stranglers
Johnny Cash
Jerry Lee Lewis
Something for Kate
Spinal Tap
The Ramones
Radiohead
Powderfinger
The Offspring
Neil Young
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Machine Gun Fellatio
KISS,
The Kinks,
Steppenwolf
Van Halen
The soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show
And Team America
And tons more.

TV SHOWS:

Shameless
RocKwiz
Spicks and Specks
Worst Week of My Life
South Park
The Chasers
jtv
The Melbourne Comedy Festival
Skins
The Simpsons
Futurama
Please Teacher
Cowboy Bebop
Penn and Teller’s BULLSHIT!
The Mighty Boosh
Family Guy
American Dad
Rove
Flight of the Conchords
Real Stories
The Ronnie Johns Half Hour
The Sketch Show (I met Kitty Flanagan off it)
Skithouse
The Glasshouse (I have the DVD)
Black Books
Drawn Together
Skins
Extras
The Office
Rockwiz
The Robinsons
Underbelly
Canal Road
The IT Crowd
Weeds

BOOKS:

He Died with a Felafel in his Hand (you know you're a JB nerd when you purchase the comic version as well)
Dopeland
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco
Evil Genius
Is it Just me or is Everything Shit Vol 1 and 2
Spotfull
The Bad Mothers Handbook
Bridget Jones's Diary
High Fidelity
About a Boy
Stupid White Men
Dude, Where's My Country
The A to Z of Lying
The White Masai
Chopper: From The Inside
I'm Sorry Little Man I Thought You Were a Hand Puppet
Happy Endings
Off One’s Tits
Macbeth
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Lost Boys (Sam de Brito version)
Vegan Virgin Valentine
Underbelly: The Gangland War
Plastered
According to the Stones
Rolling with the Stones
If You Weren't a Hedgehog and I Wasn't a Haemophiliac
Van Gogh’s Flowers
World Art
Brett Whiteley
Anything by Elizabeth Honey
Anything by Michael Leunig

QUOTES:

For anyone who has ever had close friend who seemed to go to the edge of their sanity after the break up of a relationship and you've been very surprised as they were a strong, intelligent person falling apart…this song is dedicated to you.....And the other meaning is that boys smell.
-Tim Rogers, explaining Luxury of Hysteria at the Newcastle Entertainment Centre.

Darling, the only thing worse than being called a rockstar is not being called a rockstar.
-Tim Rogers

I'm not a big douche fan, but I tell ya what, one of those faucets up your clacker was pretty good..
- Tim Rogers

If you look closely at Rod Stewart's songs, he sounds like a dirty old perve!
-Tex Perkins on Tonight's the Night

Never have sex with your bandmates
-Tex Perkins

Deep in a juju, chasing the train.
-Howard Moon, The Mighty Boosh (Also nicked by Davey Lane)

Frank: Make way for this blind woman
Woman: I'm not blind!
Frank: What the fuck are you dressed like that for?
-Frank Gallagher, Shameless

You've got a rabbit come in and he has a big white face and you've got to leg it from him. What you have to do is throw peanuts at him or take off your boot and smash him round the head with it. Basically if he catches you, he just throws you on the floor and rapes you.
-Vince Noir explaining 'Pelt the Rabbit and his Big White Face'

Never speak again. You are essentially an oxygen thief.
-Russell Brand

Neil Armstrong....walkin on me' face.....Buzz...Aldrin...he walkin' on me' face.....uh...the...third one....spaceman...he walkin' on me face.....walkin' round and they lookin at...all the stuff.
-The Moon, The Mighty Boosh

You see Bunty, if you get a number that's a square logarithm of 12, then you win. But if I get in the big circle, then you have to buy me a drink.
-Frank Gallagher explaining darts

I've done all the dates, bought all the flowers, had all the candlelit dinners, sat through plays, went to gallery openings, expressed my feelings, came up with new ones I never even knew I had. I said all the right things, told all the right lies and still....not one drop of affection down south.
-McGann, He Died with a Felafel in his Hand

What about the people who get turned on by getting caught? They spread themselves out on the table, bang on a pot with a wooden spoon and scream out 'MUM! THERE'S SOMETHING WEIRD ON THE TABLE!'
-Patch on Masturbation.

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas eggs?
-Vince Noir, The Mighty Boosh

She'll be my summer girl, she’ll have hair. We’ll frolic in the sun and play tennis in short shirts. We’ll swim in rivers and know what it is to love and in the autumn, I'll chuck her coz she's my summer girl!
-Bernard Black, Black Books

Apart from taking up ciggies full time, gaining twenty kilos and gambling, switching from Victoria Bitter to Carlton has been the biggest development I've noticed with Scorps in the last five years
-Ned Jelli, The Lost Boys

Wouldn't you like to say just a little while longer?
- Norman Bates, Psycho

Kath: Oh god, they've gone into a state of mutual admiration
Jenny: Yeah. 15 glasses
-Kath and Jenny, Don's Party

So that's it really. Hopefully I will not neglect this blog but basically I will be writing down anything that comes to mind, even though that's not always a good thing. So feel free to read as I tell you some tales, thoughts, opinions and quips from the darkside!