A Whinge About a Serious Issue (In My Mind Anyway....)

Hello all. For those of you who read my post you'd have noticed that most of them are bile filled rants against the annoyances in life. This is slightly more important than those, I reckon anyway.

Before I go into it however, I'll tell you now I'm bisexual. I like both men and women. Equally. Each are fun and gorgeous in their own ways and I love it. I do reckon that i have a fair few more options than the straight folk but I don't shove my sexuality onto people, nor do I have a superiority complex about it. However, there are some that do and it's pissing me off.

for those of you that like to see fuckwits on YouTube and are Australian, you may have heard about a girl named Shalika in your travels. she's basically a long streak of stupid who has recently come out as bi. Now I'm all for coming out and kicking the world in the swingers, however she went on to talk about how better bis are because we have more choice and a long list of other self-satisfied bullshit.

This was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I've been a long hater of 'party bis', usually girls who pash girls to make the guys hard. They fuck me off like there's no tomorrow but I can handle them. This idiot however, needs a slap. No one is better than anyone when it comes to beliefs (keeping in mind they don't involve inflicting hurt on anyone else or bestiality because that shit's gross and wrong), be it religion, sexuality or whatever. For someone like her to reckon that bis are better than anyone else gives bis a bad name and I hate it! Most aren't sex demons and geniunely want to find someone to spend the rest of their life with, be it man or woman. That's it. If you're hetero or gay than that's cool- you're turned on and the boat is floated. If you're a furry, go for it (just maybe don't ask me to join in because i'm not into it) but don't for one second think that just because you're into something that it instantly makes you better than someone who isn't. You have your scene, they have theirs.

So fascist bis, kindly fuck off. You're not better than everyone else. and for the record, labels are for cans of tuna, not people. The undecided, asexual those with tendencies are cool in my book (even though I don't understand the asexual- touching people's fun!!!!)

I Haven't Been Gone, Just Haven't Been Arsed.

Hello to the whole three people that follow my humble blog. Didja miss me? That question was rhetorical. Well anyway, in the spirit of my good friend Rivqa resuming her blog Just enough snark, I thought it was high time I make a post- how's that sound? Again, rhetorical.

Some of you may notice a change of which I made which involves the wonderful issue of censorship. Yes, I clicked the 'yes' box of the question 'Does your blog have adult content?' Well apart from having an awakening of sorts (maybe if I'm reallllllllly drunk I'll make a post about it), it finally occurred to me that a fair amount of issues that plague me now have something to do with sex; from the high offices of Parliament to the front of my boylegs, its there. And my conscience is black enough without having some four year old come across this and read all the choice language I've used on here so while my blog isn't going to be overtly pornographic (my apologies to the perverts who saw the warning and became titillated but y'know, you can buy a copy of Hustler....), it is probably best to have the warning there just in case.

Anyway, I'm back and that's whats important right now. My whenever-I-can-be-arsed annotations are back too and y'know, it might be a bit therapeutic for me to whinge through the keyboard about some of the things that have truly shat me this year. I mean, I'm halfway through year 12 and already I could throw some of my teachers through plate glass and laugh hysterically. Oh well, one swallowed a wasp a few weeks ago so that's one sadistic streak satisfied.....

And then there were 12......

Years that is. I am officially in Year 12, doing Extension 2 English as I write this. Well not really, as this blog isn't part of the curriculum but like the relatives who always give me shitty, impractical gifts ("Ice skates? Thanks Cousin A! Oh and by the way, I have never liked you and your dad's not your real dad.") always say, it's the thought that counts. Anyway, back on track I am no longer doing CAFs or fuckmedeadIhatethisfuckingsubjectsomuch Biology, so I now have free periods in the middle of the day (yay!!!!!!). Good on me.

In Memoriam of My Illusion of Toughness- Please Disregard Completely.

Hello everyone. Well, what can I say- for the first time ever in this blog, you will not hear a rant from a quite frankly cold hearted cynic. You're not going to hear a raging bile duct attached to a keyboard. And you're definitely not going to hear an array of expletives towards those whose faces appear on the cover of magazines.

You are going to hear a totally personal post, which might I add, I am definitely going to regret later. Just as a heads up, it is about a particular person who if for truly the first time in my life I am completely honest, has held a place in in my mind and heart for going on five years, regardless of whether I want them to or not.

I will not say their name as if the people whom I've disappointed get ahold of this they will be able to blackmail me. Also, it would not be fair on the person in question if such an event were to happen and they were thrown into my self inflicted humiliation. They don't deserve that at all.

But in all fairness, please let me clarify a thing or two:

1. I don't love them. I mean, not necessarily.....I haven't really experienced it at all (you know the kind I'm talking about) so I can't say for sure- in the instance that what I'm feeling does turn out to be love then I don't want to love them anymore.
   
2. I don't want them to know at all about my vague feelings, so therefore I do not invite them.
3. I don't want to be with them.

But there is one thing that I do want......

I want them to be happy, even if its not with me. If I have to refrain from talking to them or being with them then that's fine, as long as they're happy. This is partly the reason as to why I'm writing this- recently I've been a bit troubled with how I feel about this person so if this goes the way I want, then maybe by the end of this post I will be rid of them from my system and will not feel so under-the-thumb of this. Maybe there'll be some truth in the hatred I feel for them as well.

I apologise. I'm not brilliant at this bare-truth thing so please excuse me. It's quite late and I don't know...I really have no truthful excuse for this except that I'm sick of being haunted by the image of this person. I'll probably end up deleting this later so take no notice of it.

In other news, I had my first drive today. Was good, except I need to remember to use my blinkers. Didn't go above 40 km an hour and almost cut the gutter.

Missteps in Logic Pt 1

Why is it that on Funniest Home Videos they have that section where just before someone falls, they pause it, create a speech bubble and write something in that has absolutely nothing to so with the topic at hand? Surely instead of "This is what happens during a Recession" they'd be thinking "Oh fuck, I'm falling"?

Grazing on Beddroom+Bathroom Catalogues

Evenin' all. Well I'm back from Groovin the Moo (I have been for about 120 hours but have been too tired/sore/lazy to write anything) in Maitland and despite my nature to absolutely hate everything about popular culture, I have to say that I had an excellent time.
I was there to see the Drones and I did. Front row.

Did you hear that? FRONT......ROW.....in front of Guitarist Dan Luscombe.

Anyway, if you don't know who the Drones are, then I will refrain form calling you a fool because their music is just that little bit too dark for commercial radio- funny, I thought 'She Had an Abortion that She Made Me Pay For' was going to be chanted by the shitbags who still phone in requests of the Kyle (boohissboo) and Jackie O show too.

Their songs are quite dark but not in a "Oh my god......I come from a white collar family, everyone waits on my hand and foot- I just want to self harm because my life is so awesome and lacks any kind of poetry" way but a "I'm a strange and sometimes painful headspace and this is how I'm coping with it" manner. It's gooooooood.

The songs that they played in their set I highly recommend:

Oh My: from an album called Havilah. About the end of the world and quite funny. Possibly the greatest non-You Am I lyrics ever written.
She Had an Abortion that She Made me Pay For: From The Miller's Daughter. Probably the darkest of the lot, tells of a junkie girlfriend who treated the lead singer like shit and managed to stir up a lot of anger in him
The Minotaur: From Havilah. Has a dig at generations Y & Z and how they're glued to some kind of technology every second of the day.
Motherless Children: From Here Come the Lies. Jesus, I don't have to explain do I?
I Don't Ever Want to Change: Form Gala Mill. Quite proud song, or at least, lets my freak flag fly.

But yeah, it was great. I'm really glad I got to go, despite the amount of drugs that were around. There were sniffer dogs there of course, but people still managed to smuggle in a police narcotics lab to rival Hunter S Thompson's boot in Fear and Loathing. Some people right next to us were jointing up. Now I have no objections to anyone using the grass on this one say out of the year where the yoof get to listen to their favourite bands, but that's a bit over the fucking top don't you reckon? It was blowing over us as well, so we were getting most of the high pretty much- I wouldn't have minded if chips weren't $5 apiece.
Also, we were talking to this really funny guy during the De la Soul set (No, I didn't go see it. Why? Because I have an unbridled hate for any hip hop that isn't Russian.) and we were all having a great time and the Living End came on. He was a really nice chap who was a Living End fan as well so we stood next to eachother during the start. Anyway, this tenaciously pissed girl begins to tear through the crowd like a Bull elk on elephant steroids- shoves past me, my mate and our Living End loving friend quite rudely for one, but I shrug it off. Our Living End loving friend however, pushes her through the crowd trying to assist her but by a some metaphysical fuck up, she topples over about 8 people. This would've ended if she's just apologised to the now vertical Moovers and Shakers and got on her way but no, she preceded to turn back and start punching our LELF, screaming and pushing him through the crowd into disappearance. Ok, bye then.

But what I want to talk about with you today is people who pick disputes for no real reason other than to satisfy some kind of anal-retentive need and shit you off. I was walking home with one of my best mates today- lets protect the innocent and call her G- and we were just talking and having a bit of a laugh, what you normally do when you're walking home with someone. Anyway, she picked up a bunch of rolled up catalogues from the nature strip and started having a look at them all very innocent-like. Anyway, normally when she's done with something, she just puts it somewhere and forgets about it. On this one occasion though, she mailed it through what looked like a handle on this caravan parked outside someone's house and we proceeded to keep on walking. Like at Groovin the Moo, it would've ended if a third party would've just gotten the fuck over it but once again it's a big fat no on the 'reasonable' front.
We were in fact, greeted by what looked like the mother out of What's Eating Gilbert Grape in a pair of purple flannelette pajamas and the conversation went thus:

Barney the Purple Dinosaur: (up on a second storey, speaking from inside) Excuse me, did you put something on my caravan?

(G and I look at eachother in a bit of a daze)

Me: No, we didn't
Barney: Yes you did, I saw something being put on my caravan
Me: (Now thinking "Why the fuck did you ask us then?")...........
Barney: Take it off.

(G then presumes to saunter back, removing the catalogue quite easily from the handle wile the woman sinks back into watching daytime telly)

Now, of course I am going to try to take a diplomatic approach to this as it was downright stupid but for chrissakes, its a catalogue! It's not a giant cock on the side of your precious caravan, it's not hoardes of toilet paper all over it, it's not a great big steaming turd smeared all over the windshield- a CATALOGUE! Mailed quite neatly in the handle and thus can be removed without great strain! People do that out the front of Coles every day- they're called parking inspectors issuing out tickets but even then you just get the fuck over it!
I just have a few problems with that dispute:

1. It was a catalogue (see above).
2. Why was she staring at us walk past her house in the middle of the day in the first place? It's quite possible that we narrowly escaped a rape or something because really, why the fuck else would you stare at highschoolers walk part your house spraycan/permanent marker/fecal matter free?
3. She was in flannellette pajamas also- IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! AND IT'S FUCKING HOT! Put some decent clothes on you stupid woman! Come to think of it, it did smell a bit like roast beef around there..... Either way, it was obvious she didn't work, nor have any domestic duties but even the stay at home mums don't fang about the house on a weekday in nothing but their bedwear unless they're bludging off Centrelink, have let themselves go completely, have some kind of illness (the least possible option in this case because sick people tend to have a bit more on their mind than telling people off when they go past their caravan), or are The Dude off The Big Lebowski.
4. She did seem to have a slight weight issue, so if she'd just mustered up the energy to just get over it, come down and dislodge it herself if it really bothered her, it could be her daily exercise.

Anyway, kudos to that stupid woman. I suppose we need nincompoops like her to realise that the good ol' compo payout will almost always fuel these day long soapfests in flannelettes and extravagant purchases that make you think "Well, I don't think they actually need the money do they?" and that one day, it might just be us staring down the 2-strong highschool crowds walking and talking to eachother, waiting to pounce because oooh, they're such little bastards aren't they? They put something on my caravan! The pricks!

Fear and Loathing in My Local Nextra.

Good evening beautiful people. How are we? Well there's nothing on telly so I'm going to lead you on more of my very irritating adventures- this time, a Nextra.
For those of you still in the dark as to what Nextra is, it's basically a video store and newsagents compacted together like cubes of trash in Monsters Inc. It's a strange combination but somehow it works, at least a whole lot better than my local Video Ezy. For one, it actually sorts films out both alphabetically and per genre- something Video Ezy have just just peaked on.

"Do you think we should sort films out by theme?"

"...................."

"It would really help the customers."

"...................."

"It'd make it easier for them to find films."

"...................."

"Well what do you reckon?"

"Go fuck yourself. That's what I reckon."

Anyway, I was looking for a copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Fight Club. I managed to find Fight Club but no Fear and Loathing. That is not what this blog is about though. What I saw in Nextra was another thing that pisses me off about places of retail- people taking up an entire aisle when looking for something. I mean just....WHY?!?!?! Why do people feel the need to stand on the other side when looking for something? Why do they want to make people feel awkward whenever they walk past to get some, I dunno....yoghurt or something. It is bullshit I tell you!
It happened in Woolworths as well. There's a line in Fight Club:

"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda who wouldn't screw to save its species."

If we could change that panda bit to something about these aisle-hogging fuckwits, then that would explain exactly how I feel. There should be someone at the top of the shelves in these places with a sniper reasy to pick off these clowns the minute they step over that half-of-the-aisle-width line. What are they trying to prove- that they're vision's pretty tiptop? It's just a stupid waste of space soley based on human selfishness- that they have to get that box of marshmallow squares so much that they're not willing to leave a bit of space behind them so other poeple can get thorugh their shopping hassle-free. Now that I think about it, some may just be making a connection in a "Hey....you like home brand sausage rolls. So do I......can we make out?" kind of way, but you have to admit, Nextra and Woolies are pretty sad places to do it in. Like that Special K ad where the girl is at home and it's 3 in the morn and the only thing she has to snack on is chocolate coated Special K (Special K is supposed to be healthy. Coating it in chocolate DEFEATS THE PURPOSE!).

So if you see one of these arseholes in one of your preferred places of retail, just walk the fuck in front of them. If they haven't learned how to look at things from a reasonable distance then they don't deserve your courtesy.