Morning funsters. Well, last night I succumbed to the one thing that irritates almost every cynical, single person on the planet- I went to a wedding.
Now don't get me wrong, usually I'm very happy for the bride and groom and the fact that they've found eachother and decided to celebrate that by sticking rings on eachothers' fingers. what irritates me is the amount of guest pereparation that goes intothese things. finding clothes that look good, finding clothes that fit, trying to disguise the fact that even though said clothes look good, you still feel like a complete pillock and accepting the fact that no matter how hard you try not to be, YOU are the weird guest at this damn thing whose purpose there is subconsciously debated amongst the other guests.
It all started on Thursday. I spent fuck knows how long trudging around the mall in search for some clothing- I opted for this mushroom silk top thing, some black pants and some heels to match. This was relatively ok until the big day- yesterday- where it went slightly wrong. First, the pantyhose I was wearing acted like cling wrap's sadistic cousin. Then the heels proved to be a pair of toe-crunching, foot-crippling horrors that had a serious grudge against feet. To top it off at the reception, a button on my mushroom silk top thing disappeared proving that cheap chinese labour is at it's finest! Grrr....
The decor at the reception was lovely though- the theme was orange and white and it looked suprisingly classy while being simplistic at the same time. It wasn't too over the top and that's what made it great. The taps in the bathroom however, did not abide by the same principles. Since when did plumbing fixture design become complicated? Honestly, it took me ages to find out how the bloody thing worked!
I think my bitterness comes form me thinking about this guy all night. You see, I like someone....I've liked them for about 4 years. He's in a lot of my classes and basically does not give a shit about me whatsoever. He's very intimidating because he's the guy who is number one at absolutely EVERYTHING and he knows it...but it still doesn't stop me from thinking 'What if he said hi to me?' I'm being a complete freak about this I know but I just like them. And when I see people who have found their soulmates, I tend to wallow in my misery that the only 'love' I've ever experienced really has been unrequited. It's because of this that I know I'll never be the one going out trying to find a wedidng dress for myself as I'm very very cynical when it comes to the illusion caled love that perpetuates the reality of heartbreak. I apologise for this mopey bullshit- I'm trying to get over this guy.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I Can't Love You Anymore Than This
Picture this- you're hancuffed to your chair. The light above your head is searing your eyes becond blindness. The investigator is probing your private life like you're bent over and well lubed up while you're just thinking "God...when the fuck will this be over?'.You're sweating. You're shaking. You have symptoms that the drug manufacturers of the seventies had never dreamed of and then your math teacher swans on by going "Oh by the way, this is a year 9 test. YOUR test will be in 2 weeks."
How are you supposed to feel? Well that's what happened to me today. Sixth period of August 26th, 2008. We were given a year 9 test instead of a proper one. It wasn't even our bloody unit- it was 5.1 maths (common) while ours is 5.3 (advanced). If this was sex, it would've been the type Parker Posey in the O in Ohio would've engaged in and that's a really scary thought.
For those whom are scratching their heads as to what I'm talking about, the O in Ohio is pretty much the worst film I've ever seen. When it comes to sexual comedies, O takes a great big SATC wannabe turd on every successful comedy based around sex. Basically, it's about this woman who can't come at all. Her husband (Paul Rdd- why he put his name on this piece of shit I'll never know) basically gets sick of it and looks for pleasure in the form of a very blank Mischa Barton. Posey however buys a vibrator and bingo, you've found the city of Gold. Then for some bizarre reason, she finds Danny DeVito with a really bad mullet and it all goes downhill from there. Either way, like Parker Posey's orgasm, this film builds up to something brilliant and completely craps out ,therefore making it really fucking rubbish.
Anyway, out of the movie-loving twilight and back to the matter at hand, you do NOT damn well give a class a fake test while they're still shitting themselves. It's just not right man.
How are you supposed to feel? Well that's what happened to me today. Sixth period of August 26th, 2008. We were given a year 9 test instead of a proper one. It wasn't even our bloody unit- it was 5.1 maths (common) while ours is 5.3 (advanced). If this was sex, it would've been the type Parker Posey in the O in Ohio would've engaged in and that's a really scary thought.
For those whom are scratching their heads as to what I'm talking about, the O in Ohio is pretty much the worst film I've ever seen. When it comes to sexual comedies, O takes a great big SATC wannabe turd on every successful comedy based around sex. Basically, it's about this woman who can't come at all. Her husband (Paul Rdd- why he put his name on this piece of shit I'll never know) basically gets sick of it and looks for pleasure in the form of a very blank Mischa Barton. Posey however buys a vibrator and bingo, you've found the city of Gold. Then for some bizarre reason, she finds Danny DeVito with a really bad mullet and it all goes downhill from there. Either way, like Parker Posey's orgasm, this film builds up to something brilliant and completely craps out ,therefore making it really fucking rubbish.
Anyway, out of the movie-loving twilight and back to the matter at hand, you do NOT damn well give a class a fake test while they're still shitting themselves. It's just not right man.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Bubblegum powerpop
Greetings. Ahh, what to write about after all this time...I went and saw my famiglia and had lunch with them which was bizarrely nice. Did a survey on chewing gum which was weird, seeing as I've only recently aquired a habit. Strawberry Extra- there is none better. Nice flavor and doesn't tempt you to swallow upon first chew. Anyway, enough about chewing gum, I also managed to get copies of Snatch, The Big Lebowski and the South Park movie- I really can't be arsed to type the title. Three more movies towards the greatest collection on earth. Anyway, while getting these movies form the ever faithful Warringah Mall JB HiFi, I heard this music- it was sort of infectuous, pop-rock kind of thing. Gave me a very Davey Lane feeling of uneasiness and euphoria. Later on it turned out to be Costello Music by the Fratellis that was on. So, if you want a pop-punk-rock album to dance to, buy it because your legs will love it. I reccommend Henrietta, For The Girl and Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night (that sounds like a teenage 'thriller').
Anyway, the Big Lebowski is another to add to the favourites list, along with Kill Me Tender. They are both hilarious and strangely uplifting, except the Big Lebowski has more memorable movie quotes.
Debt Collector: (pulls bowling ball out of bag) What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Well obviously you're not a golfer.
Walter: The Chinaman is not the issue here!!!!!
Walter: You see Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the arse!!!!
Walter: Don't worry man, he's a pervert.
The Dude: Yeah, but fuck, he can roll man.
Walter: No, I'm serious. He's a sex offender with a record. he did 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. Eight year olds Dude, eight year olds.
I also saw another movie- Waking Ned Devine. A very good Irish movie if you can hunt it down. Ed Gein In the Light of the Moon is a good biopic also- not too much gore but it is a little freaky when he's pulling off in the bathtub and when he wears his lady outfit, so be warned!
Anyway, the Big Lebowski is another to add to the favourites list, along with Kill Me Tender. They are both hilarious and strangely uplifting, except the Big Lebowski has more memorable movie quotes.
Debt Collector: (pulls bowling ball out of bag) What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Well obviously you're not a golfer.
Walter: The Chinaman is not the issue here!!!!!
Walter: You see Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the arse!!!!
Walter: Don't worry man, he's a pervert.
The Dude: Yeah, but fuck, he can roll man.
Walter: No, I'm serious. He's a sex offender with a record. he did 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. Eight year olds Dude, eight year olds.
I also saw another movie- Waking Ned Devine. A very good Irish movie if you can hunt it down. Ed Gein In the Light of the Moon is a good biopic also- not too much gore but it is a little freaky when he's pulling off in the bathtub and when he wears his lady outfit, so be warned!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
What is loosely termed....bleeergh.......
Good morning everybody. I've just woken up. My bloody computer is becoming more difficult as the minutes become hours and the hours become days. If it were a person, it would probably be one of those baby boomers that are pre-empting the time of which they are classified by modern standards as 'elderly'. They are quite rare they are, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I sometimes wonder what I'm going to be like when I reach the elderly stage. Hopefully I'll still be mentally intact, but I have a feeling I'll get arthritis from the amount of drawing I do. I get told that anyway. It's amazing how if you get told something over and over, eventually your subconscious believes it and you're stuck in that frame of mind for a long time.
Ok, I'm rambling on now. I'm just procrastinating from moving at the moment. I know I have to move at some point because I'm going to see a movie, but my body just doesn't want to. Ah well, I will just part with an amusing picture I found that tickled my sick sense of humour. Goodbye.
Introduction
Hello everyone. Forgive me, but I'm new at this thing. Not even 30 seconds on this and I'm already asking for forgiveness. Well....lets get started then shall we? I'm not going to go into the usual specifics , like 'I'm from here...' etcetera because I have discovered that it doesn't matter what you are like, people have a tendency to subconsciously hold geographic location against you. Take my favourite author, John Birmingham. In Tasmanian Babes Fiasco, it is written 'He is from Ipswich but asks you not to hold that against him.' I guess when you live with over 80 people over a period of 10 years, it teaches you a thing or two about life. I will tell you my name though- it's Rhiannon before you start singing.
I have very discerning taste in film, literature, art and music. Having said that, my taste is also eclectic- 2 of my favourite movies are Don's Party and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess that the only thing that isn't foggy about my taste is that I like something that is either cult or comedy. I think Quentin Tarantino is brilliant and Tim Rogers is pure genius. In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of You Am I and base a majority of my artworks around them. I draw mainly because it's wallet friendly and more portable, but I am a paint dilettante as well. I'm trying not to be psychotic about the whole thing because it's really just an admiration of the band and reacting in a way that is expressive to me, like someone playing their covers. I am also a keen writer and I hope to make money and fame with both things some day. Anyway, here are my favourites:
FILM
Priscilla Queen of the Desert
The Joy Luck Club
Kangaroo Palace
The Song Remains The Same
Woodstock
Jimi Hendrix
My Mother Frank
Evil Woman
Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock n Roll
The Royal Tenenbaums
Mullet
Dirty Deeds
Kill Me Tender
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Edward Scissorhands
Muriel’s Wedding
Psycho (The original)
That Thing You Do
Van Helsing
Fear
Blow
Moulin Rouge
Muggers
Hercules Returns
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Little Children
Wonderboys
Weekend at Bernie’s
The Lara Croft movies
The Wizard of Oz
Fatal Attraction
The Sum of Us
Chopper
Sliding Doors
Team America
South Park the Movie
Knocked Up
Austin Powers Trilogy
40 Year old Virgin
Snatch
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Harry Potter Movies
Wayne's World 1 & 2
High Fidelity
Joe Dirt,
Suburban Mayhem
Gettin’ Square
The Commitments
Stoned
The Cheech and Chong movies
Don's Party
The Castle
The American Pie Movies
Gimme Shelter
The Shrek Movies
Bend it Like Beckham
Anita and Me
Rat Race
Wedding Crashers
Detroit Rock City
School of Rock
Dan in Real Life,
Thirteen
Girl Interrupted,
Beerfest,
Super Troopers,
Almost Famous,
Kenny,
Baby Snakes,
The Wedding Singer,
Anger Management
Bowling for Columbine,
Sicko, Napoleon Dynamite,
Festival Express,
Billy Madison
Hot Fuzz,
Bridget Jones 1 & 2,
The Parole Officer,
Shaun of the Dead,
Notting Hill,
Son de Mar,
Love Actually,
Thunderstruck
And although technically not movies:
The Cream and the Crock,
Who Are These Rockstars
Rockwiz Duets Volume 2.
MUSIC:
You Am I
The Temperance Union
Tim Rogers
The Pictures
TnT
The Rolling Stones
The Who
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin
The Eagles
Jimi Hendrix
Jet
Aerosmith
Little Birdy
Matchbox 20
Maroon 5 (in the Songs About Jane days)
Green Day
The Sex Pistols
Bodyjar
Happy Mondays
INXS (before they shat all over Michael Hutchence's memory with Rockstar INXS)
John Butler Trio,
Fleetwood Mac (To some degree, the one song that pisses me off is the one I got my name from....)
Frank Zappa
Chuck Berry
Janis Joplin
Shivaree
Puddle of Mudd
The Seatbelts
Elton John
Franz Ferdinand
The Cure
Tex, Don and Charlie
The Cruel Sea
The Stooges
U2
The Darkness (God rest it's freaky falsetto soul)
Cat Stevens
ACDC
Midnight Oil
Supergrass
Suzi Q
T-Rex
Taxiride
Gloria Jones
The Stranglers
Johnny Cash
Jerry Lee Lewis
Something for Kate
Spinal Tap
The Ramones
Radiohead
Powderfinger
The Offspring
Neil Young
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Machine Gun Fellatio
KISS,
The Kinks,
Steppenwolf
Van Halen
The soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show
And Team America
And tons more.
TV SHOWS:
Shameless
RocKwiz
Spicks and Specks
Worst Week of My Life
South Park
The Chasers
jtv
The Melbourne Comedy Festival
Skins
The Simpsons
Futurama
Please Teacher
Cowboy Bebop
Penn and Teller’s BULLSHIT!
The Mighty Boosh
Family Guy
American Dad
Rove
Flight of the Conchords
Real Stories
The Ronnie Johns Half Hour
The Sketch Show (I met Kitty Flanagan off it)
Skithouse
The Glasshouse (I have the DVD)
Black Books
Drawn Together
Skins
Extras
The Office
Rockwiz
The Robinsons
Underbelly
Canal Road
The IT Crowd
Weeds
BOOKS:
He Died with a Felafel in his Hand (you know you're a JB nerd when you purchase the comic version as well)
Dopeland
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco
Evil Genius
Is it Just me or is Everything Shit Vol 1 and 2
Spotfull
The Bad Mothers Handbook
Bridget Jones's Diary
High Fidelity
About a Boy
Stupid White Men
Dude, Where's My Country
The A to Z of Lying
The White Masai
Chopper: From The Inside
I'm Sorry Little Man I Thought You Were a Hand Puppet
Happy Endings
Off One’s Tits
Macbeth
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Lost Boys (Sam de Brito version)
Vegan Virgin Valentine
Underbelly: The Gangland War
Plastered
According to the Stones
Rolling with the Stones
If You Weren't a Hedgehog and I Wasn't a Haemophiliac
Van Gogh’s Flowers
World Art
Brett Whiteley
Anything by Elizabeth Honey
Anything by Michael Leunig
QUOTES:
-Ned Jelli, The Lost Boys
Wouldn't you like to say just a little while longer?
- Norman Bates, Psycho
Kath: Oh god, they've gone into a state of mutual admiration
Jenny: Yeah. 15 glasses
-Kath and Jenny, Don's Party
So that's it really. Hopefully I will not neglect this blog but basically I will be writing down anything that comes to mind, even though that's not always a good thing. So feel free to read as I tell you some tales, thoughts, opinions and quips from the darkside!
I have very discerning taste in film, literature, art and music. Having said that, my taste is also eclectic- 2 of my favourite movies are Don's Party and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess that the only thing that isn't foggy about my taste is that I like something that is either cult or comedy. I think Quentin Tarantino is brilliant and Tim Rogers is pure genius. In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of You Am I and base a majority of my artworks around them. I draw mainly because it's wallet friendly and more portable, but I am a paint dilettante as well. I'm trying not to be psychotic about the whole thing because it's really just an admiration of the band and reacting in a way that is expressive to me, like someone playing their covers. I am also a keen writer and I hope to make money and fame with both things some day. Anyway, here are my favourites:
FILM
Priscilla Queen of the Desert
The Joy Luck Club
Kangaroo Palace
The Song Remains The Same
Woodstock
Jimi Hendrix
My Mother Frank
Evil Woman
Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock n Roll
The Royal Tenenbaums
Mullet
Dirty Deeds
Kill Me Tender
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Edward Scissorhands
Muriel’s Wedding
Psycho (The original)
That Thing You Do
Van Helsing
Fear
Blow
Moulin Rouge
Muggers
Hercules Returns
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Little Children
Wonderboys
Weekend at Bernie’s
The Lara Croft movies
The Wizard of Oz
Fatal Attraction
The Sum of Us
Chopper
Sliding Doors
Team America
South Park the Movie
Knocked Up
Austin Powers Trilogy
40 Year old Virgin
Snatch
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Harry Potter Movies
Wayne's World 1 & 2
High Fidelity
Joe Dirt,
Suburban Mayhem
Gettin’ Square
The Commitments
Stoned
The Cheech and Chong movies
Don's Party
The Castle
The American Pie Movies
Gimme Shelter
The Shrek Movies
Bend it Like Beckham
Anita and Me
Rat Race
Wedding Crashers
Detroit Rock City
School of Rock
Dan in Real Life,
Thirteen
Girl Interrupted,
Beerfest,
Super Troopers,
Almost Famous,
Kenny,
Baby Snakes,
The Wedding Singer,
Anger Management
Bowling for Columbine,
Sicko, Napoleon Dynamite,
Festival Express,
Billy Madison
Hot Fuzz,
Bridget Jones 1 & 2,
The Parole Officer,
Shaun of the Dead,
Notting Hill,
Son de Mar,
Love Actually,
Thunderstruck
And although technically not movies:
The Cream and the Crock,
Who Are These Rockstars
Rockwiz Duets Volume 2.
MUSIC:
You Am I
The Temperance Union
Tim Rogers
The Pictures
TnT
The Rolling Stones
The Who
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin
The Eagles
Jimi Hendrix
Jet
Aerosmith
Little Birdy
Matchbox 20
Maroon 5 (in the Songs About Jane days)
Green Day
The Sex Pistols
Bodyjar
Happy Mondays
INXS (before they shat all over Michael Hutchence's memory with Rockstar INXS)
John Butler Trio,
Fleetwood Mac (To some degree, the one song that pisses me off is the one I got my name from....)
Frank Zappa
Chuck Berry
Janis Joplin
Shivaree
Puddle of Mudd
The Seatbelts
Elton John
Franz Ferdinand
The Cure
Tex, Don and Charlie
The Cruel Sea
The Stooges
U2
The Darkness (God rest it's freaky falsetto soul)
Cat Stevens
ACDC
Midnight Oil
Supergrass
Suzi Q
T-Rex
Taxiride
Gloria Jones
The Stranglers
Johnny Cash
Jerry Lee Lewis
Something for Kate
Spinal Tap
The Ramones
Radiohead
Powderfinger
The Offspring
Neil Young
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Machine Gun Fellatio
KISS,
The Kinks,
Steppenwolf
Van Halen
The soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show
And Team America
And tons more.
TV SHOWS:
Shameless
RocKwiz
Spicks and Specks
Worst Week of My Life
South Park
The Chasers
jtv
The Melbourne Comedy Festival
Skins
The Simpsons
Futurama
Please Teacher
Cowboy Bebop
Penn and Teller’s BULLSHIT!
The Mighty Boosh
Family Guy
American Dad
Rove
Flight of the Conchords
Real Stories
The Ronnie Johns Half Hour
The Sketch Show (I met Kitty Flanagan off it)
Skithouse
The Glasshouse (I have the DVD)
Black Books
Drawn Together
Skins
Extras
The Office
Rockwiz
The Robinsons
Underbelly
Canal Road
The IT Crowd
Weeds
BOOKS:
He Died with a Felafel in his Hand (you know you're a JB nerd when you purchase the comic version as well)
Dopeland
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco
Evil Genius
Is it Just me or is Everything Shit Vol 1 and 2
Spotfull
The Bad Mothers Handbook
Bridget Jones's Diary
High Fidelity
About a Boy
Stupid White Men
Dude, Where's My Country
The A to Z of Lying
The White Masai
Chopper: From The Inside
I'm Sorry Little Man I Thought You Were a Hand Puppet
Happy Endings
Off One’s Tits
Macbeth
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Lost Boys (Sam de Brito version)
Vegan Virgin Valentine
Underbelly: The Gangland War
Plastered
According to the Stones
Rolling with the Stones
If You Weren't a Hedgehog and I Wasn't a Haemophiliac
Van Gogh’s Flowers
World Art
Brett Whiteley
Anything by Elizabeth Honey
Anything by Michael Leunig
QUOTES:
For anyone who has ever had close friend who seemed to go to the edge of their sanity after the break up of a relationship and you've been very surprised as they were a strong, intelligent person falling apart…this song is dedicated to you.....And the other meaning is that boys smell.
-Tim Rogers, explaining Luxury of Hysteria at the Newcastle Entertainment Centre.
Darling, the only thing worse than being called a rockstar is not being called a rockstar.
-Tim Rogers
I'm not a big douche fan, but I tell ya what, one of those faucets up your clacker was pretty good..
- Tim Rogers
-
Never have sex with your bandmates
-
Deep in a juju, chasing the train.
-Howard Moon, The Mighty Boosh (Also nicked by
Frank: Make way for this blind woman
Woman: I'm not blind!
Frank: What the fuck are you dressed like that for?
-Frank Gallagher, Shameless
You've got a rabbit come in and he has a big white face and you've got to leg it from him. What you have to do is throw peanuts at him or take off your boot and smash him round the head with it. Basically if he catches you, he just throws you on the floor and rapes you.
-Vince Noir explaining 'Pelt the Rabbit and his Big White Face'
Never speak again. You are essentially an oxygen thief.
-Russell Brand
Neil Armstrong....walkin on me' face.....Buzz...Aldrin...he walkin' on me' face.....uh...the...third one....spaceman...he walkin' on me face.....walkin' round and they lookin at...all the stuff.
-The Moon, The Mighty Boosh
You see Bunty, if you get a number that's a square logarithm of 12, then you win. But if I get in the big circle, then you have to buy me a drink.
-Frank Gallagher explaining darts
I've done all the dates, bought all the flowers, had all the candlelit dinners, sat through plays, went to gallery openings, expressed my feelings, came up with new ones I never even knew I had. I said all the right things, told all the right lies and still....not one drop of affection down south.
-McGann, He Died with a Felafel in his Hand
-Patch on Masturbation.
You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas eggs?
-Vince Noir, The Mighty Boosh
She'll be my summer girl, she’ll have hair. We’ll frolic in the sun and play tennis in short shirts. We’ll swim in rivers and know what it is to love and in the autumn, I'll chuck her coz she's my summer girl!
-Bernard Black, Black Books
-Ned Jelli, The Lost Boys
Wouldn't you like to say just a little while longer?
- Norman Bates, Psycho
Kath: Oh god, they've gone into a state of mutual admiration
Jenny: Yeah. 15 glasses
-Kath and Jenny, Don's Party
So that's it really. Hopefully I will not neglect this blog but basically I will be writing down anything that comes to mind, even though that's not always a good thing. So feel free to read as I tell you some tales, thoughts, opinions and quips from the darkside!
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