Saturday, May 16, 2009
Missteps in Logic Pt 1
Why is it that on Funniest Home Videos they have that section where just before someone falls, they pause it, create a speech bubble and write something in that has absolutely nothing to so with the topic at hand? Surely instead of "This is what happens during a Recession" they'd be thinking "Oh fuck, I'm falling"?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Grazing on Beddroom+Bathroom Catalogues
Evenin' all. Well I'm back from Groovin the Moo (I have been for about 120 hours but have been too tired/sore/lazy to write anything) in Maitland and despite my nature to absolutely hate everything about popular culture, I have to say that I had an excellent time.
I was there to see the Drones and I did. Front row.
Did you hear that? FRONT......ROW.....in front of Guitarist Dan Luscombe.
Anyway, if you don't know who the Drones are, then I will refrain form calling you a fool because their music is just that little bit too dark for commercial radio- funny, I thought 'She Had an Abortion that She Made Me Pay For' was going to be chanted by the shitbags who still phone in requests of the Kyle (boohissboo) and Jackie O show too.
Their songs are quite dark but not in a "Oh my god......I come from a white collar family, everyone waits on my hand and foot- I just want to self harm because my life is so awesome and lacks any kind of poetry" way but a "I'm a strange and sometimes painful headspace and this is how I'm coping with it" manner. It's gooooooood.
The songs that they played in their set I highly recommend:
Oh My: from an album called Havilah. About the end of the world and quite funny. Possibly the greatest non-You Am I lyrics ever written.
She Had an Abortion that She Made me Pay For: From The Miller's Daughter. Probably the darkest of the lot, tells of a junkie girlfriend who treated the lead singer like shit and managed to stir up a lot of anger in him
The Minotaur: From Havilah. Has a dig at generations Y & Z and how they're glued to some kind of technology every second of the day.
Motherless Children: From Here Come the Lies. Jesus, I don't have to explain do I?
I Don't Ever Want to Change: Form Gala Mill. Quite proud song, or at least, lets my freak flag fly.
But yeah, it was great. I'm really glad I got to go, despite the amount of drugs that were around. There were sniffer dogs there of course, but people still managed to smuggle in a police narcotics lab to rival Hunter S Thompson's boot in Fear and Loathing. Some people right next to us were jointing up. Now I have no objections to anyone using the grass on this one say out of the year where the yoof get to listen to their favourite bands, but that's a bit over the fucking top don't you reckon? It was blowing over us as well, so we were getting most of the high pretty much- I wouldn't have minded if chips weren't $5 apiece.
Also, we were talking to this really funny guy during the De la Soul set (No, I didn't go see it. Why? Because I have an unbridled hate for any hip hop that isn't Russian.) and we were all having a great time and the Living End came on. He was a really nice chap who was a Living End fan as well so we stood next to eachother during the start. Anyway, this tenaciously pissed girl begins to tear through the crowd like a Bull elk on elephant steroids- shoves past me, my mate and our Living End loving friend quite rudely for one, but I shrug it off. Our Living End loving friend however, pushes her through the crowd trying to assist her but by a some metaphysical fuck up, she topples over about 8 people. This would've ended if she's just apologised to the now vertical Moovers and Shakers and got on her way but no, she preceded to turn back and start punching our LELF, screaming and pushing him through the crowd into disappearance. Ok, bye then.
But what I want to talk about with you today is people who pick disputes for no real reason other than to satisfy some kind of anal-retentive need and shit you off. I was walking home with one of my best mates today- lets protect the innocent and call her G- and we were just talking and having a bit of a laugh, what you normally do when you're walking home with someone. Anyway, she picked up a bunch of rolled up catalogues from the nature strip and started having a look at them all very innocent-like. Anyway, normally when she's done with something, she just puts it somewhere and forgets about it. On this one occasion though, she mailed it through what looked like a handle on this caravan parked outside someone's house and we proceeded to keep on walking. Like at Groovin the Moo, it would've ended if a third party would've just gotten the fuck over it but once again it's a big fat no on the 'reasonable' front.
We were in fact, greeted by what looked like the mother out of What's Eating Gilbert Grape in a pair of purple flannelette pajamas and the conversation went thus:
Barney the Purple Dinosaur: (up on a second storey, speaking from inside) Excuse me, did you put something on my caravan?
(G and I look at eachother in a bit of a daze)
Me: No, we didn't
Barney: Yes you did, I saw something being put on my caravan
Me: (Now thinking "Why the fuck did you ask us then?")...........
Barney: Take it off.
(G then presumes to saunter back, removing the catalogue quite easily from the handle wile the woman sinks back into watching daytime telly)
Now, of course I am going to try to take a diplomatic approach to this as it was downright stupid but for chrissakes, its a catalogue! It's not a giant cock on the side of your precious caravan, it's not hoardes of toilet paper all over it, it's not a great big steaming turd smeared all over the windshield- a CATALOGUE! Mailed quite neatly in the handle and thus can be removed without great strain! People do that out the front of Coles every day- they're called parking inspectors issuing out tickets but even then you just get the fuck over it!
I just have a few problems with that dispute:
I was there to see the Drones and I did. Front row.
Did you hear that? FRONT......ROW.....in front of Guitarist Dan Luscombe.
Anyway, if you don't know who the Drones are, then I will refrain form calling you a fool because their music is just that little bit too dark for commercial radio- funny, I thought 'She Had an Abortion that She Made Me Pay For' was going to be chanted by the shitbags who still phone in requests of the Kyle (boohissboo) and Jackie O show too.
Their songs are quite dark but not in a "Oh my god......I come from a white collar family, everyone waits on my hand and foot- I just want to self harm because my life is so awesome and lacks any kind of poetry" way but a "I'm a strange and sometimes painful headspace and this is how I'm coping with it" manner. It's gooooooood.
The songs that they played in their set I highly recommend:
Oh My: from an album called Havilah. About the end of the world and quite funny. Possibly the greatest non-You Am I lyrics ever written.
She Had an Abortion that She Made me Pay For: From The Miller's Daughter. Probably the darkest of the lot, tells of a junkie girlfriend who treated the lead singer like shit and managed to stir up a lot of anger in him
The Minotaur: From Havilah. Has a dig at generations Y & Z and how they're glued to some kind of technology every second of the day.
Motherless Children: From Here Come the Lies. Jesus, I don't have to explain do I?
I Don't Ever Want to Change: Form Gala Mill. Quite proud song, or at least, lets my freak flag fly.
But yeah, it was great. I'm really glad I got to go, despite the amount of drugs that were around. There were sniffer dogs there of course, but people still managed to smuggle in a police narcotics lab to rival Hunter S Thompson's boot in Fear and Loathing. Some people right next to us were jointing up. Now I have no objections to anyone using the grass on this one say out of the year where the yoof get to listen to their favourite bands, but that's a bit over the fucking top don't you reckon? It was blowing over us as well, so we were getting most of the high pretty much- I wouldn't have minded if chips weren't $5 apiece.
Also, we were talking to this really funny guy during the De la Soul set (No, I didn't go see it. Why? Because I have an unbridled hate for any hip hop that isn't Russian.) and we were all having a great time and the Living End came on. He was a really nice chap who was a Living End fan as well so we stood next to eachother during the start. Anyway, this tenaciously pissed girl begins to tear through the crowd like a Bull elk on elephant steroids- shoves past me, my mate and our Living End loving friend quite rudely for one, but I shrug it off. Our Living End loving friend however, pushes her through the crowd trying to assist her but by a some metaphysical fuck up, she topples over about 8 people. This would've ended if she's just apologised to the now vertical Moovers and Shakers and got on her way but no, she preceded to turn back and start punching our LELF, screaming and pushing him through the crowd into disappearance. Ok, bye then.
But what I want to talk about with you today is people who pick disputes for no real reason other than to satisfy some kind of anal-retentive need and shit you off. I was walking home with one of my best mates today- lets protect the innocent and call her G- and we were just talking and having a bit of a laugh, what you normally do when you're walking home with someone. Anyway, she picked up a bunch of rolled up catalogues from the nature strip and started having a look at them all very innocent-like. Anyway, normally when she's done with something, she just puts it somewhere and forgets about it. On this one occasion though, she mailed it through what looked like a handle on this caravan parked outside someone's house and we proceeded to keep on walking. Like at Groovin the Moo, it would've ended if a third party would've just gotten the fuck over it but once again it's a big fat no on the 'reasonable' front.
We were in fact, greeted by what looked like the mother out of What's Eating Gilbert Grape in a pair of purple flannelette pajamas and the conversation went thus:
Barney the Purple Dinosaur: (up on a second storey, speaking from inside) Excuse me, did you put something on my caravan?
(G and I look at eachother in a bit of a daze)
Me: No, we didn't
Barney: Yes you did, I saw something being put on my caravan
Me: (Now thinking "Why the fuck did you ask us then?")...........
Barney: Take it off.
(G then presumes to saunter back, removing the catalogue quite easily from the handle wile the woman sinks back into watching daytime telly)
Now, of course I am going to try to take a diplomatic approach to this as it was downright stupid but for chrissakes, its a catalogue! It's not a giant cock on the side of your precious caravan, it's not hoardes of toilet paper all over it, it's not a great big steaming turd smeared all over the windshield- a CATALOGUE! Mailed quite neatly in the handle and thus can be removed without great strain! People do that out the front of Coles every day- they're called parking inspectors issuing out tickets but even then you just get the fuck over it!
I just have a few problems with that dispute:
- It was a catalogue (see above).
- Why was she staring at us walk past her house in the middle of the day in the first place? It's quite possible that we narrowly escaped a rape or something because really, why the fuck else would you stare at highschoolers walk part your house spraycan/permanent marker/fecal matter free?
- She was in flannellette pajamas also- IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! AND IT'S FUCKING HOT! Put some decent clothes on you stupid woman! Come to think of it, it did smell a bit like roast beef around there..... Either way, it was obvious she didn't work, nor have any domestic duties but even the stay at home mums don't fang about the house on a weekday in nothing but their bedwear unless they're bludging off Centrelink, have let themselves go completely, have some kind of illness (the least possible option in this case because sick people tend to have a bit more on their mind than telling people off when they go past their caravan), or are The Dude off The Big Lebowski.
- She did seem to have a slight weight issue, so if she'd just mustered up the energy to just get over it, come down and dislodge it herself if it really bothered her, it could be her daily exercise.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
