Hello everyone. Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year where we have to celebrate the birth of our lord and saviour by putting heaps of tinfoil shit around our house, eat a turkey that tastes of fried woodchips and spend an entire day with the unfortunate bastards that happen to share similar DNA with us. I hate the bloody thing, mainly because for me it marks the start of blackmail season.
For what has been a month now, I have been getting constantly blackmailed my someone who won't be named but who is supposed to have had a pretty prominent role in my life (hasn't though) and is basically the one that comes to mind whenever therapy is bought up and not in a good, let-me-help-you-help-yourself way). This person has been blackmailing me to spend Christmas with them and even though secretly I can't be arsed to get down to their place of residence on the day (there is no way that I'm spending 2 hours in holiday traffic), they can't see things from the same angle. This wouldn't be so much of a problem had I grown a spine and told this person that I would not be seeing them this Saturday. You can imagine where it goes from there.
To add insult to injury, this person will be surrounded by more people supporting their cause of getting me to spend my Christmas day with them, so it's going to be a full on blackmail jamboree! Break out your banjos everyone! May as well have a bit of music because 3 hours with the bastards and I stop playing 'Who Shall I Murder Slowly and Painfully First?' and start going for what feels natural. If this does end up happening, I might just start with myself.
In other news, I'm receiving and award tomorrow which should be a perverse mixture of fun and dull. Fun for a whole 5 seconds before couple of hours of dull. My computer's shat itself too, have to get that fixed....I want a herb garden.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Come on Cindrella- We've Gotta Get You Ready for the Ball!
Good morgen. It is now 8:23 in the AM, making the official formal countdown 8 hours and 37 minutes to go before I am at town hall looking my lovliest. truth be told I'm a little scared about the event- for one I'm supposed to have a hairdresser come over today and I'm worried she won't be able to find my house. I'll try counting to 10 to sort out that anxiety.
Everything is organsied, thank god. Limo, makeup, hair, nails, jewellery, shoes, undies (totally important) and of course, the dress. Here's praying it all goes according to plan.....
Everything is organsied, thank god. Limo, makeup, hair, nails, jewellery, shoes, undies (totally important) and of course, the dress. Here's praying it all goes according to plan.....
Friday, November 28, 2008
Miss Mustang and the Rainy-Day, Leaving-School, Chest-Infection Blues
Hello everyone. Well here I am, officially in the grey area in between year 10 and year 11. I ended school today on a somewhat mildew-coloured note- we finished this lame year 10 program they assigned to us where they gave us the whole "Oh, we do this because year 10s before have left earlier and found that they missed their friends."
Now, this little pep talk would have some substance to us, had they not decided to split us up form our actual friends and place in a mixed bag with candies of a different kind. If you're going to harp on about memories and affilitates, makes sure you don't sound like a fucking hypocrite.
Anyway, I had a chest infection pretty much all day and that coupled with the rain, understandably things are going to get a bit messy. But even so, I AM OUT OF FUCKING SCHOOL!!!!!!
Now, this little pep talk would have some substance to us, had they not decided to split us up form our actual friends and place in a mixed bag with candies of a different kind. If you're going to harp on about memories and affilitates, makes sure you don't sound like a fucking hypocrite.
Anyway, I had a chest infection pretty much all day and that coupled with the rain, understandably things are going to get a bit messy. But even so, I AM OUT OF FUCKING SCHOOL!!!!!!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Parole
Afternoon funsters! Well here I am, officially finished my school certificate and about to go on to work experience! I will never have to sit through another lesson of Computers, PE, Georgraphy, Maths or Science again! It feels like I've just been released from prison. A lot of those subjects bored me to some degree, so next year my subjects are going to be heavy on History, English and Art. I'll also be able to piss off certain teachers who've given me hell these past 4 years. I feel great!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen, We are About to Encounter Some Slight Turbulence.....
Jesus...what a week. Thankfully it's all over now, but you know those weeks where you're sure they're a provisonary apocalypse, just preparing for the big one? It was one of those.
It's was like a marriage really- that animosity that begins to brew for no reason amongst people that spend pretty much ever day together and then one day the shit hits the fan and it's up to you to clean youself up. It's just affirmed my reasons not to get married but anyway, that's what it was like in the land of last week. Things were said, others were felt but wholly we began to really understand eachother all at once for the first time in 3 and a half years.
Details of how and why it started and how and why it ended are a bit sketchy- maybe it's still continuing, I don't know. Maybe it's still continuing but the point is that were all civil (for lack of a better word) towards eachother. I feel better that this has all happened though, like I've finally started to heal or something.....
It's was like a marriage really- that animosity that begins to brew for no reason amongst people that spend pretty much ever day together and then one day the shit hits the fan and it's up to you to clean youself up. It's just affirmed my reasons not to get married but anyway, that's what it was like in the land of last week. Things were said, others were felt but wholly we began to really understand eachother all at once for the first time in 3 and a half years.
Details of how and why it started and how and why it ended are a bit sketchy- maybe it's still continuing, I don't know. Maybe it's still continuing but the point is that were all civil (for lack of a better word) towards eachother. I feel better that this has all happened though, like I've finally started to heal or something.....
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Ties that Bind Around Your Neck Until You're Blue and in the ER.
What is family? Are they those people who share the same blood? Do they mysteriously come around of a Sunday with teacake to ask how you've been? Are they the ones who ring up of a night and send you their love? For me, they are the people who give you a very good reason to neck yourself in the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong- I love most of my family. MOST being the effective word here. Like everyone else on this big ball we call a planet, I have relatives who would be classified as crazy by me but sane by everyone else. I guess when you've grown up knowing these people, you become accustomed to their mannerisms, their beliefs, their habits...and become really fucking irritated by them after 16 years (yes- I'm older but not wiser).
In case you're wondering as to why I'm writing this, It's been a week since I came back from the obligatory family visit. I was sort of there voluntarily as it was my aunt's 50th birthday, but soon enough I realised why pubs and drugs were invented- it's to stop civilization from going absolutely spare because of the dynasty to which I belong (against my will).
First it started with the younger cousin following me around ABSOLUTELY EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. It was madness- I mean, I know I'm supposed to go "Awww...it's so cute" but seriously, she's 10 and kept singing that shit Gabriella Cilmi song over and over, always finishing with a "Sorry- I'm annoying you aren't I?"
I just hate it because she was a part of that generation that decided that discipline isn't the answer to effective parenting (yet another thing we can thank those fuckers - the parenting books written by pseudo-intellectual twats with a million and 1 (fake) PhDs to make it seem that buying this crap is a good idea- for), so she's basically been allowed to do whatever the hell she wants, thus turning her into a spoilt brat. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl, I love her to bits...but seriously, once the brat within begins to surface, I consider the following actions:
Then there is the blackmail- compulsory whenever I see my family. The shit flinging begins in the form of "Oh, we don't see you very often." Did it never occur to them that there may be a reason for that?
Now the attempts at changing who the hell you are. For those that know me, you have seen that I wear a very distinuishable hat. In fact, the only way you wouldn't be able to notice it was if you were blind because I'm pretty sure that the space race India and Pakistan will be based around whoever can see my hat form the moon first. Anyway, most people are cool with it, except my Grandma. Taking into account that she's a bit old fashioned I suppose I should be a bit less abrasive but COME ON- IT'S A HAT!!!! I'm not wearing camel turds, a flamethrower, crotchless pants or a suit made out of genitals. I am wearing a hat...hear that? HAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT..... No genital suits- HAAAAAAT.
Anwyway, every time I see her I am hinted to take of the hat.
"Now darling, don't you think it would be a good time to take of the hat?"
"Missy, if we have a photo later, would you mind taking off the hat?"
"Come on, be a good girl and take off the hat for Grandma."
Not in your life, Miss Depends 2009.
Oh, she's stopped referring to me by my first name as well. I'm continuously called Missy. I honestly think senility has caught up with her and soon enough I'll be questioned on the best deals going for Avon/Hoover. She's started to call my Dad- her only son- the same.
I know I'm horrible. I've been made this way. The cruellest part about all this is that I still bloody well love them.
Don't get me wrong- I love most of my family. MOST being the effective word here. Like everyone else on this big ball we call a planet, I have relatives who would be classified as crazy by me but sane by everyone else. I guess when you've grown up knowing these people, you become accustomed to their mannerisms, their beliefs, their habits...and become really fucking irritated by them after 16 years (yes- I'm older but not wiser).
In case you're wondering as to why I'm writing this, It's been a week since I came back from the obligatory family visit. I was sort of there voluntarily as it was my aunt's 50th birthday, but soon enough I realised why pubs and drugs were invented- it's to stop civilization from going absolutely spare because of the dynasty to which I belong (against my will).
First it started with the younger cousin following me around ABSOLUTELY EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. It was madness- I mean, I know I'm supposed to go "Awww...it's so cute" but seriously, she's 10 and kept singing that shit Gabriella Cilmi song over and over, always finishing with a "Sorry- I'm annoying you aren't I?"
I just hate it because she was a part of that generation that decided that discipline isn't the answer to effective parenting (yet another thing we can thank those fuckers - the parenting books written by pseudo-intellectual twats with a million and 1 (fake) PhDs to make it seem that buying this crap is a good idea- for), so she's basically been allowed to do whatever the hell she wants, thus turning her into a spoilt brat. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl, I love her to bits...but seriously, once the brat within begins to surface, I consider the following actions:
- stop playing who 'Who Shall I Kill First' and go for what feels natural
- see above
Then there is the blackmail- compulsory whenever I see my family. The shit flinging begins in the form of "Oh, we don't see you very often." Did it never occur to them that there may be a reason for that?
Now the attempts at changing who the hell you are. For those that know me, you have seen that I wear a very distinuishable hat. In fact, the only way you wouldn't be able to notice it was if you were blind because I'm pretty sure that the space race India and Pakistan will be based around whoever can see my hat form the moon first. Anyway, most people are cool with it, except my Grandma. Taking into account that she's a bit old fashioned I suppose I should be a bit less abrasive but COME ON- IT'S A HAT!!!! I'm not wearing camel turds, a flamethrower, crotchless pants or a suit made out of genitals. I am wearing a hat...hear that? HAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT..... No genital suits- HAAAAAAT.
Anwyway, every time I see her I am hinted to take of the hat.
"Now darling, don't you think it would be a good time to take of the hat?"
"Missy, if we have a photo later, would you mind taking off the hat?"
"Come on, be a good girl and take off the hat for Grandma."
Not in your life, Miss Depends 2009.
Oh, she's stopped referring to me by my first name as well. I'm continuously called Missy. I honestly think senility has caught up with her and soon enough I'll be questioned on the best deals going for Avon/Hoover. She's started to call my Dad- her only son- the same.
I know I'm horrible. I've been made this way. The cruellest part about all this is that I still bloody well love them.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Fast and Easy Way to Lose Weight!
Get Glandular fever. I've had it for a fucking week and I've lost six kilos. Mind you, I have been vomiting and shitting like there's no tomorrow, but oh my flatter stomach! What the narcissist I am.
But seriously, I have not been at my best this week, It all started with a sore throat, late on monday night. Then sore throat, aches and pains on tuesday. Then the vomiting and diarrhoea decided to move in. Then the sore throat got fat and I woke up soaking wet. Then a bit of ear inflammation came along with some general stomach upset in tow. So when the house got crowded, the blubber eel that sat nicely around my belly shouted "THAT'S IT!", packed it's bags and moved out.
So basically, I'm sitting here, typing away my boredom. Working on a few things as well- just general pottering around the house.
But seriously, I have not been at my best this week, It all started with a sore throat, late on monday night. Then sore throat, aches and pains on tuesday. Then the vomiting and diarrhoea decided to move in. Then the sore throat got fat and I woke up soaking wet. Then a bit of ear inflammation came along with some general stomach upset in tow. So when the house got crowded, the blubber eel that sat nicely around my belly shouted "THAT'S IT!", packed it's bags and moved out.
So basically, I'm sitting here, typing away my boredom. Working on a few things as well- just general pottering around the house.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Balloon Throat
Hello all. I have a sore throat. It feels like a cheese grater is whittling away my pharynx every time I swallow. I think it's because I've been sleeping with my mouth open so all the air and dustmites in my room have occupied my throat. It's really damn annoying.
Anyway, I spent the day off today, just pottering around the house with my sore throat. I finished a painting of Miss Bettie page for Art so I'll probably end up turning it in tomorrow. I have to complete a sculpture by the end of the week as well- I'm thinking of doing a sort of whimsical semi-abstract piece. A pelvis and a spine with a camellia on top like a flower.
Right now I'm trying to see the point of a little cartoon that was on Triple J a few nights ago, called 'I like your yoghurt pants'. Anyway, it's a song by what looks like a singing tomato with a bass and cowboy boots while a sheep in jeans looks on. It's very disturbing and the lyrics are thus:
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little strawberry coloured yoghurt pants
(bass interlude with camera zooming in and out of Tomato doing random poses )
And when we used to go out
sailing in the morning sun
And when we used to go out
Bowling you could strike a turkey
in the 3rd game
(Sheep spins continuously, Tomato turns into a bowling pin then plays the guitar whilst literally standing on its head)
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little little coloured yoghurt pants
(Tomato and Sheep get possessed by Stan which makes their eyes do that hypnotic thing you used to see in cartoons and their tongues spin around)
And when the evening came
You always cleaned your shoes
(Things suddenly return to normal with it's little bassy interlude, but they find themselves in a field with more sheep. Tomato jumps over the sheep enthusiastically while the audience wonders where the fuck the bass is coming from, seeing as he has no guitar!)
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your silly little yellow coloured yoghurt pants
(This is obviously dedicated to paedophilia because Tomato's head is really close to Sheep's genitals and the camera keeps on zooming in on them.)
The end.
Now, ask yourselves like I have been for the past few days- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!
Anyway, I spent the day off today, just pottering around the house with my sore throat. I finished a painting of Miss Bettie page for Art so I'll probably end up turning it in tomorrow. I have to complete a sculpture by the end of the week as well- I'm thinking of doing a sort of whimsical semi-abstract piece. A pelvis and a spine with a camellia on top like a flower.
Right now I'm trying to see the point of a little cartoon that was on Triple J a few nights ago, called 'I like your yoghurt pants'. Anyway, it's a song by what looks like a singing tomato with a bass and cowboy boots while a sheep in jeans looks on. It's very disturbing and the lyrics are thus:
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little strawberry coloured yoghurt pants
(bass interlude with camera zooming in and out of Tomato doing random poses )
And when we used to go out
sailing in the morning sun
And when we used to go out
Bowling you could strike a turkey
in the 3rd game
(Sheep spins continuously, Tomato turns into a bowling pin then plays the guitar whilst literally standing on its head)
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I really like your little little coloured yoghurt pants
(Tomato and Sheep get possessed by Stan which makes their eyes do that hypnotic thing you used to see in cartoons and their tongues spin around)
And when the evening came
You always cleaned your shoes
(Things suddenly return to normal with it's little bassy interlude, but they find themselves in a field with more sheep. Tomato jumps over the sheep enthusiastically while the audience wonders where the fuck the bass is coming from, seeing as he has no guitar!)
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your yoghurt pants
I like your silly little yellow coloured yoghurt pants
(This is obviously dedicated to paedophilia because Tomato's head is really close to Sheep's genitals and the camera keeps on zooming in on them.)
The end.
Now, ask yourselves like I have been for the past few days- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I'm Gonna Change Your Name
Morning funsters. Well, last night I succumbed to the one thing that irritates almost every cynical, single person on the planet- I went to a wedding.
Now don't get me wrong, usually I'm very happy for the bride and groom and the fact that they've found eachother and decided to celebrate that by sticking rings on eachothers' fingers. what irritates me is the amount of guest pereparation that goes intothese things. finding clothes that look good, finding clothes that fit, trying to disguise the fact that even though said clothes look good, you still feel like a complete pillock and accepting the fact that no matter how hard you try not to be, YOU are the weird guest at this damn thing whose purpose there is subconsciously debated amongst the other guests.
It all started on Thursday. I spent fuck knows how long trudging around the mall in search for some clothing- I opted for this mushroom silk top thing, some black pants and some heels to match. This was relatively ok until the big day- yesterday- where it went slightly wrong. First, the pantyhose I was wearing acted like cling wrap's sadistic cousin. Then the heels proved to be a pair of toe-crunching, foot-crippling horrors that had a serious grudge against feet. To top it off at the reception, a button on my mushroom silk top thing disappeared proving that cheap chinese labour is at it's finest! Grrr....
The decor at the reception was lovely though- the theme was orange and white and it looked suprisingly classy while being simplistic at the same time. It wasn't too over the top and that's what made it great. The taps in the bathroom however, did not abide by the same principles. Since when did plumbing fixture design become complicated? Honestly, it took me ages to find out how the bloody thing worked!
I think my bitterness comes form me thinking about this guy all night. You see, I like someone....I've liked them for about 4 years. He's in a lot of my classes and basically does not give a shit about me whatsoever. He's very intimidating because he's the guy who is number one at absolutely EVERYTHING and he knows it...but it still doesn't stop me from thinking 'What if he said hi to me?' I'm being a complete freak about this I know but I just like them. And when I see people who have found their soulmates, I tend to wallow in my misery that the only 'love' I've ever experienced really has been unrequited. It's because of this that I know I'll never be the one going out trying to find a wedidng dress for myself as I'm very very cynical when it comes to the illusion caled love that perpetuates the reality of heartbreak. I apologise for this mopey bullshit- I'm trying to get over this guy.
Now don't get me wrong, usually I'm very happy for the bride and groom and the fact that they've found eachother and decided to celebrate that by sticking rings on eachothers' fingers. what irritates me is the amount of guest pereparation that goes intothese things. finding clothes that look good, finding clothes that fit, trying to disguise the fact that even though said clothes look good, you still feel like a complete pillock and accepting the fact that no matter how hard you try not to be, YOU are the weird guest at this damn thing whose purpose there is subconsciously debated amongst the other guests.
It all started on Thursday. I spent fuck knows how long trudging around the mall in search for some clothing- I opted for this mushroom silk top thing, some black pants and some heels to match. This was relatively ok until the big day- yesterday- where it went slightly wrong. First, the pantyhose I was wearing acted like cling wrap's sadistic cousin. Then the heels proved to be a pair of toe-crunching, foot-crippling horrors that had a serious grudge against feet. To top it off at the reception, a button on my mushroom silk top thing disappeared proving that cheap chinese labour is at it's finest! Grrr....
The decor at the reception was lovely though- the theme was orange and white and it looked suprisingly classy while being simplistic at the same time. It wasn't too over the top and that's what made it great. The taps in the bathroom however, did not abide by the same principles. Since when did plumbing fixture design become complicated? Honestly, it took me ages to find out how the bloody thing worked!
I think my bitterness comes form me thinking about this guy all night. You see, I like someone....I've liked them for about 4 years. He's in a lot of my classes and basically does not give a shit about me whatsoever. He's very intimidating because he's the guy who is number one at absolutely EVERYTHING and he knows it...but it still doesn't stop me from thinking 'What if he said hi to me?' I'm being a complete freak about this I know but I just like them. And when I see people who have found their soulmates, I tend to wallow in my misery that the only 'love' I've ever experienced really has been unrequited. It's because of this that I know I'll never be the one going out trying to find a wedidng dress for myself as I'm very very cynical when it comes to the illusion caled love that perpetuates the reality of heartbreak. I apologise for this mopey bullshit- I'm trying to get over this guy.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I Can't Love You Anymore Than This
Picture this- you're hancuffed to your chair. The light above your head is searing your eyes becond blindness. The investigator is probing your private life like you're bent over and well lubed up while you're just thinking "God...when the fuck will this be over?'.You're sweating. You're shaking. You have symptoms that the drug manufacturers of the seventies had never dreamed of and then your math teacher swans on by going "Oh by the way, this is a year 9 test. YOUR test will be in 2 weeks."
How are you supposed to feel? Well that's what happened to me today. Sixth period of August 26th, 2008. We were given a year 9 test instead of a proper one. It wasn't even our bloody unit- it was 5.1 maths (common) while ours is 5.3 (advanced). If this was sex, it would've been the type Parker Posey in the O in Ohio would've engaged in and that's a really scary thought.
For those whom are scratching their heads as to what I'm talking about, the O in Ohio is pretty much the worst film I've ever seen. When it comes to sexual comedies, O takes a great big SATC wannabe turd on every successful comedy based around sex. Basically, it's about this woman who can't come at all. Her husband (Paul Rdd- why he put his name on this piece of shit I'll never know) basically gets sick of it and looks for pleasure in the form of a very blank Mischa Barton. Posey however buys a vibrator and bingo, you've found the city of Gold. Then for some bizarre reason, she finds Danny DeVito with a really bad mullet and it all goes downhill from there. Either way, like Parker Posey's orgasm, this film builds up to something brilliant and completely craps out ,therefore making it really fucking rubbish.
Anyway, out of the movie-loving twilight and back to the matter at hand, you do NOT damn well give a class a fake test while they're still shitting themselves. It's just not right man.
How are you supposed to feel? Well that's what happened to me today. Sixth period of August 26th, 2008. We were given a year 9 test instead of a proper one. It wasn't even our bloody unit- it was 5.1 maths (common) while ours is 5.3 (advanced). If this was sex, it would've been the type Parker Posey in the O in Ohio would've engaged in and that's a really scary thought.
For those whom are scratching their heads as to what I'm talking about, the O in Ohio is pretty much the worst film I've ever seen. When it comes to sexual comedies, O takes a great big SATC wannabe turd on every successful comedy based around sex. Basically, it's about this woman who can't come at all. Her husband (Paul Rdd- why he put his name on this piece of shit I'll never know) basically gets sick of it and looks for pleasure in the form of a very blank Mischa Barton. Posey however buys a vibrator and bingo, you've found the city of Gold. Then for some bizarre reason, she finds Danny DeVito with a really bad mullet and it all goes downhill from there. Either way, like Parker Posey's orgasm, this film builds up to something brilliant and completely craps out ,therefore making it really fucking rubbish.
Anyway, out of the movie-loving twilight and back to the matter at hand, you do NOT damn well give a class a fake test while they're still shitting themselves. It's just not right man.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Bubblegum powerpop
Greetings. Ahh, what to write about after all this time...I went and saw my famiglia and had lunch with them which was bizarrely nice. Did a survey on chewing gum which was weird, seeing as I've only recently aquired a habit. Strawberry Extra- there is none better. Nice flavor and doesn't tempt you to swallow upon first chew. Anyway, enough about chewing gum, I also managed to get copies of Snatch, The Big Lebowski and the South Park movie- I really can't be arsed to type the title. Three more movies towards the greatest collection on earth. Anyway, while getting these movies form the ever faithful Warringah Mall JB HiFi, I heard this music- it was sort of infectuous, pop-rock kind of thing. Gave me a very Davey Lane feeling of uneasiness and euphoria. Later on it turned out to be Costello Music by the Fratellis that was on. So, if you want a pop-punk-rock album to dance to, buy it because your legs will love it. I reccommend Henrietta, For The Girl and Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night (that sounds like a teenage 'thriller').
Anyway, the Big Lebowski is another to add to the favourites list, along with Kill Me Tender. They are both hilarious and strangely uplifting, except the Big Lebowski has more memorable movie quotes.
Debt Collector: (pulls bowling ball out of bag) What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Well obviously you're not a golfer.
Walter: The Chinaman is not the issue here!!!!!
Walter: You see Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the arse!!!!
Walter: Don't worry man, he's a pervert.
The Dude: Yeah, but fuck, he can roll man.
Walter: No, I'm serious. He's a sex offender with a record. he did 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. Eight year olds Dude, eight year olds.
I also saw another movie- Waking Ned Devine. A very good Irish movie if you can hunt it down. Ed Gein In the Light of the Moon is a good biopic also- not too much gore but it is a little freaky when he's pulling off in the bathtub and when he wears his lady outfit, so be warned!
Anyway, the Big Lebowski is another to add to the favourites list, along with Kill Me Tender. They are both hilarious and strangely uplifting, except the Big Lebowski has more memorable movie quotes.
Debt Collector: (pulls bowling ball out of bag) What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Well obviously you're not a golfer.
Walter: The Chinaman is not the issue here!!!!!
Walter: You see Larry? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the arse!!!!
Walter: Don't worry man, he's a pervert.
The Dude: Yeah, but fuck, he can roll man.
Walter: No, I'm serious. He's a sex offender with a record. he did 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. Eight year olds Dude, eight year olds.
I also saw another movie- Waking Ned Devine. A very good Irish movie if you can hunt it down. Ed Gein In the Light of the Moon is a good biopic also- not too much gore but it is a little freaky when he's pulling off in the bathtub and when he wears his lady outfit, so be warned!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
What is loosely termed....bleeergh.......
Good morning everybody. I've just woken up. My bloody computer is becoming more difficult as the minutes become hours and the hours become days. If it were a person, it would probably be one of those baby boomers that are pre-empting the time of which they are classified by modern standards as 'elderly'. They are quite rare they are, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I sometimes wonder what I'm going to be like when I reach the elderly stage. Hopefully I'll still be mentally intact, but I have a feeling I'll get arthritis from the amount of drawing I do. I get told that anyway. It's amazing how if you get told something over and over, eventually your subconscious believes it and you're stuck in that frame of mind for a long time.
Ok, I'm rambling on now. I'm just procrastinating from moving at the moment. I know I have to move at some point because I'm going to see a movie, but my body just doesn't want to. Ah well, I will just part with an amusing picture I found that tickled my sick sense of humour. Goodbye.
Introduction
Hello everyone. Forgive me, but I'm new at this thing. Not even 30 seconds on this and I'm already asking for forgiveness. Well....lets get started then shall we? I'm not going to go into the usual specifics , like 'I'm from here...' etcetera because I have discovered that it doesn't matter what you are like, people have a tendency to subconsciously hold geographic location against you. Take my favourite author, John Birmingham. In Tasmanian Babes Fiasco, it is written 'He is from Ipswich but asks you not to hold that against him.' I guess when you live with over 80 people over a period of 10 years, it teaches you a thing or two about life. I will tell you my name though- it's Rhiannon before you start singing.
I have very discerning taste in film, literature, art and music. Having said that, my taste is also eclectic- 2 of my favourite movies are Don's Party and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess that the only thing that isn't foggy about my taste is that I like something that is either cult or comedy. I think Quentin Tarantino is brilliant and Tim Rogers is pure genius. In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of You Am I and base a majority of my artworks around them. I draw mainly because it's wallet friendly and more portable, but I am a paint dilettante as well. I'm trying not to be psychotic about the whole thing because it's really just an admiration of the band and reacting in a way that is expressive to me, like someone playing their covers. I am also a keen writer and I hope to make money and fame with both things some day. Anyway, here are my favourites:
FILM
Priscilla Queen of the Desert
The Joy Luck Club
Kangaroo Palace
The Song Remains The Same
Woodstock
Jimi Hendrix
My Mother Frank
Evil Woman
Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock n Roll
The Royal Tenenbaums
Mullet
Dirty Deeds
Kill Me Tender
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Edward Scissorhands
Muriel’s Wedding
Psycho (The original)
That Thing You Do
Van Helsing
Fear
Blow
Moulin Rouge
Muggers
Hercules Returns
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Little Children
Wonderboys
Weekend at Bernie’s
The Lara Croft movies
The Wizard of Oz
Fatal Attraction
The Sum of Us
Chopper
Sliding Doors
Team America
South Park the Movie
Knocked Up
Austin Powers Trilogy
40 Year old Virgin
Snatch
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Harry Potter Movies
Wayne's World 1 & 2
High Fidelity
Joe Dirt,
Suburban Mayhem
Gettin’ Square
The Commitments
Stoned
The Cheech and Chong movies
Don's Party
The Castle
The American Pie Movies
Gimme Shelter
The Shrek Movies
Bend it Like Beckham
Anita and Me
Rat Race
Wedding Crashers
Detroit Rock City
School of Rock
Dan in Real Life,
Thirteen
Girl Interrupted,
Beerfest,
Super Troopers,
Almost Famous,
Kenny,
Baby Snakes,
The Wedding Singer,
Anger Management
Bowling for Columbine,
Sicko, Napoleon Dynamite,
Festival Express,
Billy Madison
Hot Fuzz,
Bridget Jones 1 & 2,
The Parole Officer,
Shaun of the Dead,
Notting Hill,
Son de Mar,
Love Actually,
Thunderstruck
And although technically not movies:
The Cream and the Crock,
Who Are These Rockstars
Rockwiz Duets Volume 2.
MUSIC:
You Am I
The Temperance Union
Tim Rogers
The Pictures
TnT
The Rolling Stones
The Who
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin
The Eagles
Jimi Hendrix
Jet
Aerosmith
Little Birdy
Matchbox 20
Maroon 5 (in the Songs About Jane days)
Green Day
The Sex Pistols
Bodyjar
Happy Mondays
INXS (before they shat all over Michael Hutchence's memory with Rockstar INXS)
John Butler Trio,
Fleetwood Mac (To some degree, the one song that pisses me off is the one I got my name from....)
Frank Zappa
Chuck Berry
Janis Joplin
Shivaree
Puddle of Mudd
The Seatbelts
Elton John
Franz Ferdinand
The Cure
Tex, Don and Charlie
The Cruel Sea
The Stooges
U2
The Darkness (God rest it's freaky falsetto soul)
Cat Stevens
ACDC
Midnight Oil
Supergrass
Suzi Q
T-Rex
Taxiride
Gloria Jones
The Stranglers
Johnny Cash
Jerry Lee Lewis
Something for Kate
Spinal Tap
The Ramones
Radiohead
Powderfinger
The Offspring
Neil Young
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Machine Gun Fellatio
KISS,
The Kinks,
Steppenwolf
Van Halen
The soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show
And Team America
And tons more.
TV SHOWS:
Shameless
RocKwiz
Spicks and Specks
Worst Week of My Life
South Park
The Chasers
jtv
The Melbourne Comedy Festival
Skins
The Simpsons
Futurama
Please Teacher
Cowboy Bebop
Penn and Teller’s BULLSHIT!
The Mighty Boosh
Family Guy
American Dad
Rove
Flight of the Conchords
Real Stories
The Ronnie Johns Half Hour
The Sketch Show (I met Kitty Flanagan off it)
Skithouse
The Glasshouse (I have the DVD)
Black Books
Drawn Together
Skins
Extras
The Office
Rockwiz
The Robinsons
Underbelly
Canal Road
The IT Crowd
Weeds
BOOKS:
He Died with a Felafel in his Hand (you know you're a JB nerd when you purchase the comic version as well)
Dopeland
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco
Evil Genius
Is it Just me or is Everything Shit Vol 1 and 2
Spotfull
The Bad Mothers Handbook
Bridget Jones's Diary
High Fidelity
About a Boy
Stupid White Men
Dude, Where's My Country
The A to Z of Lying
The White Masai
Chopper: From The Inside
I'm Sorry Little Man I Thought You Were a Hand Puppet
Happy Endings
Off One’s Tits
Macbeth
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Lost Boys (Sam de Brito version)
Vegan Virgin Valentine
Underbelly: The Gangland War
Plastered
According to the Stones
Rolling with the Stones
If You Weren't a Hedgehog and I Wasn't a Haemophiliac
Van Gogh’s Flowers
World Art
Brett Whiteley
Anything by Elizabeth Honey
Anything by Michael Leunig
QUOTES:
-Ned Jelli, The Lost Boys
Wouldn't you like to say just a little while longer?
- Norman Bates, Psycho
Kath: Oh god, they've gone into a state of mutual admiration
Jenny: Yeah. 15 glasses
-Kath and Jenny, Don's Party
So that's it really. Hopefully I will not neglect this blog but basically I will be writing down anything that comes to mind, even though that's not always a good thing. So feel free to read as I tell you some tales, thoughts, opinions and quips from the darkside!
I have very discerning taste in film, literature, art and music. Having said that, my taste is also eclectic- 2 of my favourite movies are Don's Party and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I guess that the only thing that isn't foggy about my taste is that I like something that is either cult or comedy. I think Quentin Tarantino is brilliant and Tim Rogers is pure genius. In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of You Am I and base a majority of my artworks around them. I draw mainly because it's wallet friendly and more portable, but I am a paint dilettante as well. I'm trying not to be psychotic about the whole thing because it's really just an admiration of the band and reacting in a way that is expressive to me, like someone playing their covers. I am also a keen writer and I hope to make money and fame with both things some day. Anyway, here are my favourites:
FILM
Priscilla Queen of the Desert
The Joy Luck Club
Kangaroo Palace
The Song Remains The Same
Woodstock
Jimi Hendrix
My Mother Frank
Evil Woman
Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock n Roll
The Royal Tenenbaums
Mullet
Dirty Deeds
Kill Me Tender
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Edward Scissorhands
Muriel’s Wedding
Psycho (The original)
That Thing You Do
Van Helsing
Fear
Blow
Moulin Rouge
Muggers
Hercules Returns
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Little Children
Wonderboys
Weekend at Bernie’s
The Lara Croft movies
The Wizard of Oz
Fatal Attraction
The Sum of Us
Chopper
Sliding Doors
Team America
South Park the Movie
Knocked Up
Austin Powers Trilogy
40 Year old Virgin
Snatch
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Harry Potter Movies
Wayne's World 1 & 2
High Fidelity
Joe Dirt,
Suburban Mayhem
Gettin’ Square
The Commitments
Stoned
The Cheech and Chong movies
Don's Party
The Castle
The American Pie Movies
Gimme Shelter
The Shrek Movies
Bend it Like Beckham
Anita and Me
Rat Race
Wedding Crashers
Detroit Rock City
School of Rock
Dan in Real Life,
Thirteen
Girl Interrupted,
Beerfest,
Super Troopers,
Almost Famous,
Kenny,
Baby Snakes,
The Wedding Singer,
Anger Management
Bowling for Columbine,
Sicko, Napoleon Dynamite,
Festival Express,
Billy Madison
Hot Fuzz,
Bridget Jones 1 & 2,
The Parole Officer,
Shaun of the Dead,
Notting Hill,
Son de Mar,
Love Actually,
Thunderstruck
And although technically not movies:
The Cream and the Crock,
Who Are These Rockstars
Rockwiz Duets Volume 2.
MUSIC:
You Am I
The Temperance Union
Tim Rogers
The Pictures
TnT
The Rolling Stones
The Who
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin
The Eagles
Jimi Hendrix
Jet
Aerosmith
Little Birdy
Matchbox 20
Maroon 5 (in the Songs About Jane days)
Green Day
The Sex Pistols
Bodyjar
Happy Mondays
INXS (before they shat all over Michael Hutchence's memory with Rockstar INXS)
John Butler Trio,
Fleetwood Mac (To some degree, the one song that pisses me off is the one I got my name from....)
Frank Zappa
Chuck Berry
Janis Joplin
Shivaree
Puddle of Mudd
The Seatbelts
Elton John
Franz Ferdinand
The Cure
Tex, Don and Charlie
The Cruel Sea
The Stooges
U2
The Darkness (God rest it's freaky falsetto soul)
Cat Stevens
ACDC
Midnight Oil
Supergrass
Suzi Q
T-Rex
Taxiride
Gloria Jones
The Stranglers
Johnny Cash
Jerry Lee Lewis
Something for Kate
Spinal Tap
The Ramones
Radiohead
Powderfinger
The Offspring
Neil Young
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Machine Gun Fellatio
KISS,
The Kinks,
Steppenwolf
Van Halen
The soundtrack to Rocky Horror Picture Show
And Team America
And tons more.
TV SHOWS:
Shameless
RocKwiz
Spicks and Specks
Worst Week of My Life
South Park
The Chasers
jtv
The Melbourne Comedy Festival
Skins
The Simpsons
Futurama
Please Teacher
Cowboy Bebop
Penn and Teller’s BULLSHIT!
The Mighty Boosh
Family Guy
American Dad
Rove
Flight of the Conchords
Real Stories
The Ronnie Johns Half Hour
The Sketch Show (I met Kitty Flanagan off it)
Skithouse
The Glasshouse (I have the DVD)
Black Books
Drawn Together
Skins
Extras
The Office
Rockwiz
The Robinsons
Underbelly
Canal Road
The IT Crowd
Weeds
BOOKS:
He Died with a Felafel in his Hand (you know you're a JB nerd when you purchase the comic version as well)
Dopeland
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco
Evil Genius
Is it Just me or is Everything Shit Vol 1 and 2
Spotfull
The Bad Mothers Handbook
Bridget Jones's Diary
High Fidelity
About a Boy
Stupid White Men
Dude, Where's My Country
The A to Z of Lying
The White Masai
Chopper: From The Inside
I'm Sorry Little Man I Thought You Were a Hand Puppet
Happy Endings
Off One’s Tits
Macbeth
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Lost Boys (Sam de Brito version)
Vegan Virgin Valentine
Underbelly: The Gangland War
Plastered
According to the Stones
Rolling with the Stones
If You Weren't a Hedgehog and I Wasn't a Haemophiliac
Van Gogh’s Flowers
World Art
Brett Whiteley
Anything by Elizabeth Honey
Anything by Michael Leunig
QUOTES:
For anyone who has ever had close friend who seemed to go to the edge of their sanity after the break up of a relationship and you've been very surprised as they were a strong, intelligent person falling apart…this song is dedicated to you.....And the other meaning is that boys smell.
-Tim Rogers, explaining Luxury of Hysteria at the Newcastle Entertainment Centre.
Darling, the only thing worse than being called a rockstar is not being called a rockstar.
-Tim Rogers
I'm not a big douche fan, but I tell ya what, one of those faucets up your clacker was pretty good..
- Tim Rogers
-
Never have sex with your bandmates
-
Deep in a juju, chasing the train.
-Howard Moon, The Mighty Boosh (Also nicked by
Frank: Make way for this blind woman
Woman: I'm not blind!
Frank: What the fuck are you dressed like that for?
-Frank Gallagher, Shameless
You've got a rabbit come in and he has a big white face and you've got to leg it from him. What you have to do is throw peanuts at him or take off your boot and smash him round the head with it. Basically if he catches you, he just throws you on the floor and rapes you.
-Vince Noir explaining 'Pelt the Rabbit and his Big White Face'
Never speak again. You are essentially an oxygen thief.
-Russell Brand
Neil Armstrong....walkin on me' face.....Buzz...Aldrin...he walkin' on me' face.....uh...the...third one....spaceman...he walkin' on me face.....walkin' round and they lookin at...all the stuff.
-The Moon, The Mighty Boosh
You see Bunty, if you get a number that's a square logarithm of 12, then you win. But if I get in the big circle, then you have to buy me a drink.
-Frank Gallagher explaining darts
I've done all the dates, bought all the flowers, had all the candlelit dinners, sat through plays, went to gallery openings, expressed my feelings, came up with new ones I never even knew I had. I said all the right things, told all the right lies and still....not one drop of affection down south.
-McGann, He Died with a Felafel in his Hand
-Patch on Masturbation.
You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas eggs?
-Vince Noir, The Mighty Boosh
She'll be my summer girl, she’ll have hair. We’ll frolic in the sun and play tennis in short shirts. We’ll swim in rivers and know what it is to love and in the autumn, I'll chuck her coz she's my summer girl!
-Bernard Black, Black Books
-Ned Jelli, The Lost Boys
Wouldn't you like to say just a little while longer?
- Norman Bates, Psycho
Kath: Oh god, they've gone into a state of mutual admiration
Jenny: Yeah. 15 glasses
-Kath and Jenny, Don's Party
So that's it really. Hopefully I will not neglect this blog but basically I will be writing down anything that comes to mind, even though that's not always a good thing. So feel free to read as I tell you some tales, thoughts, opinions and quips from the darkside!
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